For readers who missed our most recent post, we’ve decided to take a slightly different direction. The purpose of this blog remains unchanged, but since faith in God has sustained our family through one of life’s most difficult experiences, it’s important to begin sharing more from this perspective. We believe this change to be a “next phase” in God’s bigger plan, not only for our own healing but hopefully for others in need. Posts will always be as honest and transparent as possible and some will certainly be difficult to share. As always, our prayer is that someone who is feeling no hope might find some here.
Over the past few years, some have asked what we’ve learned about healing. Certainly, there are many ways to cope with trials but most of them are unproductive at best and at worst, unhealthy. Having tried several of these methods, I can promise they don’t heal anything. They only do more harm and dull the pain for awhile. I did find one sure solution though. I can’t think of one practice more helpful in the last few years that has better served towards peace, comfort, and personal growth than through daily conversations with God. After all, how can any relationship exist much less thrive without communication?
Some people roll out of bed onto their knees to pray. I can’t quite manage that but I do head straight for a quiet place with a cup of coffee and a devotional of some kind. Bible apps are a great way to get the process started and early morning is best before the day gets busy. When we lost our son, I was off work for several months and my company was gracious enough to allow this time. It afforded the luxury of days without distractions or obligations. Some days I spent hours but over the years, life resumed and free time began to wane. Today, this quiet time can still be a couple of hours, but it’s usually around 15-45 minutes. It does require determination, but I’ve come to realize the intentional investment of this time first thing in the morning has yielded a huge return. So much that it makes keeping this daily routine much easier.
At 5-6AM, a daily reminder on my phone pops up as, “Time with God”. Some time ago after reading and praying, I began writing several “Foundational Prayers”. These do apply to my own life but they’re also universal. Each day, I read one or two of them silently or aloud. Speaking words may seem strange or feel awkward, but it helps to keep focused. These foundational prayers have yet to fail in helping me so I’ve decided to begin sharing them. Maybe a reader who needs some peace may find a little of it through these prayers. I sincerely hope so.
A Prayer When Life is Out of Control
In the healing process, it brings peace to remove myself from daily situations which are beyond my ability to manage. First, I ask God for the wisdom to realize when I’m taking back control because this tends to happen subtly over time. Secondly, I ask Him take my place in whatever the circumstance may be. He never has failed once to provide instant peace when I acknowledge that I’m finally ready and wanting to surrender by saying (and meaning it), “Father, not my will, but Your will be done”. I hope you’ll try these suggestions because they will help you, I’m certain.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father,today we pray against the Enemy’s lies. Pride is the most effective weapon used to steal and destroy what You made us to be. We willingly surrender control to You. Please direct our steps in life’s trials. Make our lives reflect less of us and more of You. Amen
“Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray.” – Mark 1:35
“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.” Psalms 42:1
Although born with a natural sense of navigation, until about five years ago I was very lost. Too prideful, self-reliant, or lazy to read the map, I was searching for the right answers in all the wrong places. Sadly, it finally took losing everything to find it.
I’d make a lousy teacher, but on a Halloween night in 2018, in the shadows cast by the lighted window of our son’s empty bedroom, I had come to the end of myself. After a long war, a defeated fighter had become a willing learner. Over the years following that experience, I’ve been absorbing life like a dry sponge, re-learning how to stand again, now on a different and firm foundation. What began as a crawl became a walk away from one of the darkest places this world has to offer.
Seeing life through new eyes, not only do I more clearly see the results of many of my own foolish and destructive choices, I’m better able to recognize others whose paths seem all too familiar. They remain lost yet desperately looking for their way. For this reason I have felt led to serve if even for one of my fellow “searchers” through this blog.
A Change for the Better
We began journaling in December 2018 to benefit mutual healing for our family and others experiencing grief through messages of encouragement, hope, or help. I’m thankful for several friends who wisely encouraged our writing as it has also served tremendously in the healing process. Amazingly, to date over 90,000 readers around the globe have taken time to read and/or follow BradensVoice.blog. Thousands reside in distant places we never knew existed. Still, our target was just one person or family if it helped at all. Their name probably wasn’t Braden or Speed, but it could be.
Though our purposes for this blog and our nonprofit “BradensVoice.org” remain unchanged, readers may have noticed the content subtly shifting more towards renewed faith in God which has become our family’s sustenance. I’ve noticed this shift myself yet it hasn’t been done intentionally. More likely, it has happened by God’s design. After all, healing has been His desire and our prayer from the beginning.
I’m sure some readers have opted out by now as the messages may have become less palatable to them. Sadly in today’s world, Faith has become the only “F” bomb people seem hesitant to use. Still, I’ve come to believe faith to be the only real solution to every single problem we all face. Posts will be very honest and rooted in experiences of recovery. A map to The Way if that makes sense. Also, the hope is to become more of a two- way forum to share thoughts and experiences between writer(s) and reader(s).
After a lot of prayer and consideration, we believe this is the direction Gods wants to take. We are absolutely certain Braden would welcome this change for the better by using his voice to reflect healing instead of hurt. Our prayer going forward in this blog is that even one person who is lost and searching may be helped to leave their way and to find “THE Way”.
May God bless His searchers… there are so many.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
“Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
ReaderParticipation
This is a new direction but we want it to serve actively. Your suggestions, comments, questions, or feedback are encouraged and privacy will be maintained. You may also prefer to submit anonymously. Please use the options available on this site or through email.
Today, we remember our son’s birthday 24 years ago. Days like this come with mixed emotions. Happy. Sorrowful. Joyful? Each morning I take some time to read and to pray, connecting with God and often talking in spirit with our son. A few years ago, my wife Cathy bought a decorative hanging which she placed on the wall in our bedroom. Until recently, I had walked right past it without noticing its message. It simply reads, “I Choose Joy”. Behind these three boldly printed words, a lighter shaded word is less visible… “Today“.
Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many without a conscious thought. When life becomes difficult, our emotional reactions typically include fear, anger, sadness, doubt, or protective pride. Unless we’re aware of this human-thinking process, these will remain our default choices.
God made the human brain unique by giving it free will and even the ability to think about how we think. No other created thing has this incredible ability, yet most of us fail to put it to good use. Instead, we repeat the unhealthy pattern of repeating negative thoughts over and over again. Those who have accepted Christ have a far better choice. We can choose to draw from our faith and to find hope in the midst of life’s most difficult circumstances.
In life and in my work, I’ve observed thousands of people dealing with loss, but not all of them handle it the same way. Many fall apart or become lost while a few seemed to come away even stronger. Those few, in my observations have seemed somehow MORE joyful. How is that even possible? I believe the difference is because they didn’t choose to pick up a crutch or take the exit door. Instead they chose to lean deeply into their reliance and faith in God’s promises. They chose to reframe life’s difficulties into faith-growing opportunities. You see, happiness and joy may have some similarities, but they’re vastly different.
Happiness is momentary and subject to ever-changing circumstances. Joy is constant. It resides firmly inside us like a solar battery, storing light for the inevitable times when the world seems darkest. Lasting joy comes from hope which lies in the things unseen by human eyes yet are eternal. God’s word tells us to “renew our minds” to think from His eternal perspective. Our lives are relatively brief, but heaven is our permanent home where no pain, no tears, and no death are even possible. Now, that’s real hope and real joy, but we have to choose it, every day.
PRAYER: Lord, as your children, let us not drift blindly through life by falling into default emotions of life here on earth. Today’s temporary grief, fears, anger, doubts, unforgiveness, and regrets are Satan’s intentional distractions because these emotions bring death and destruction rather than abundant life. Understanding our time here is precious and fleeting, may we learn to surrender to You by continuously CHOOSING to live in the joy You freely offer. Amen
“The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalms 28:7
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.“ Philippians 4:4-5
Focus a little longer and see what really matters.
“Dad, the physical world and the eternal one are much closer than you think. One is seen with the eyes and the other with the heart. Keep searching for God with your heart and one day soon you’ll see Him with your eyes. I’ll see you then”. Love – Braden
A few weeks ago we heard a speaker at our church (Hope Fellowship) say something that wasn’t entirely new to me, but for some reason this time I couldn’t shake it from my mind. Paraphrasing, the speaker said that when God’s children make mistakes, He can’t see them. Instead of our sin, he sees His Son. Again, this wasn’t a new concept for me, but it never really sank in before hearing it this time. How could a perfect God not see the blatantly selfish choices we make? For most of my life I thought He certainly had to see mine.
After church that Sunday, we made our way to lunch where we often talk about what stood out during the message. I began to think about times I’d been angry and how I’d handled it with my own kids. Just a few months earlier, in the late evening, three boys began loudly knocking on our front door and ringing the doorbell. They had to be around the age of 14, and all talking at once. They told us a strange man had jumped his fence and begun to chase and yell at them. They were terrified with no place to go and sought the safety of even a stranger’s home. Having been a boy all my life, my first thought was they were out much too late for riding bikes, and I suspected most likely they had done something to cause the man to become angry. Again, that was my first impression.
They began telling their story and we learned they’d abandoned one bike in the street with a flat tire. One boy was crying and was clearly scared and ashamed. As they sat down, Cathy listened, helping to calm them. I first stood watching this all with impatience and irritation as she talked to them. I then noticed her focus had turned to the one who was most emotional. This scene began to feel familiar for some reason. I had suddenly realized it reminded me of the many nights she had patiently spent with our son, Braden.
Looking beyond what would have normally been my instinct to judge these boys for their perceived foolishness, I saw the face of our son and it completely shifted my perspective. My initial annoyance had become compassion. Instead of judgement, oddly I found myself understanding and offering them something to drink, telling them everything would be ok. Later, I helped them recover their broken bike and contacted one of their dads who arrived to take them home. I felt like they had likely received their own consequences as a result of their choices. Perhaps that night I had received an unexpected lesson of my own… to look a little deeper and beyond the mistakes people can make. After all, I’ve made more than my share and benefited from undeserved grace.
Have you ever seen a stereogram? Search this term online and you’ll find thousands of examples. They’re computer-generated graphics which initially appear to be an impressionist painting with nothing but blurred colors with no specific subject. However, if you relax your vision and try to eliminate the distraction of the initial impression, you will slowly begin to see the intended image of the picture come into focus. The subject not only becomes crystal clear, but three-dimensional. This process requires just a little effort and practice. It can feel a bit frustrating at first but once successful, it becomes much easier. I’ve come to believe this is the way God created the world. Amazing things are often right in front of our face yet much of the time we’re oblivious to them.
Losing a child uniquely alters a parent’s perspective. When I look around, I can now see my son in the faces of other kids who are struggling with things I can’t see or feel, yet it’s all too real for them. Today’s world is much different than the one most of us lived in as teens. There are new distractions, falsehoods, and temptations we never faced. They need our help. More specifically, they need a little more of our understanding and grace.
Most of our children’s poor choices are just baby steps towards who they are trying to become. Like it or not, our kids are naturally inclined to become like us, so modeling forgiveness and grace while we have them is one of the most valuable things they’ll take when they leave.
Prayer for dads
Of all the blessings in life, I’m most thankful for a relationship with my heavenly Father who filters sins through the lens of grace, love, and complete sacrifice. I pray that we as imperfect fathers will strive to follow His example for those children He has entrusted to us.
“God Himself made the way so you can have new life through Christ Jesus. God gave us Christ to be our wisdom. Christ made us right with God and set us apart for God and made us holy. Christ bought us with His blood and made us free from our sins.” – Corinthians 1:30
“For God chose to save us through our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out his anger on us.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:9
“Remain hopeful when your world seems darkest. When God created this dark world, He first provided light”. – Braden
My wife wrote the following story several years ago, and I often re-share it on Easter weekends. Only a mother could possibly fathom how Mary, who had heard her baby take his very first breath, must have felt while helplessly watching him take his last. Cathy posted this only months after such an experience when her life was in chaos and complete darkness. She saw no rationale for the loss of her son and hope was just a dim and fading light. Still, she remained hopeful. How is that even possible?
Reading her story each Easter is helpful to me. We now have benefit of time, healing, and hindsight. Over the last few years, we’ve begun seeing small hints of purpose in the wake of tragedy. I’m always amazed and inspired with her ability to remain faithful. She has been able serve others in similar circumstances and as an encouragement to our family through her steadfast faith and joy. Perhaps even today, such an example of faith may help someone else in need.
On Easter Saturday, Jesus was counted out. Defeated by this world. All alone in a cold and dark place, yet tomorrow He would arise. Hang on… HOPE IS ON THE WAY!
Easter weekend 2019 – Cathy Speed
Anyone who has ever met me knows this has been the hardest year of my life. And I’ve had some rough ones. Today I’ve been thinking a lot about Easter SATURDAY… The day nothing happened.
Before the big event that truly changed everything, there’s Saturday, when we prepare for Easter. We mow grass for egg hunts, easter outfits ready… dye the eggs… We celebrate Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified and Easter Sunday, the death defying, grave defeating, hope and joy inspiring day of His resurrection. But Saturday is silent. And I will never again see Easter Saturday the same.
Never has Easter SATURDAY spoken to me like it does this year. It was the day when hope seemed lost. It was all over, and there was no reason to think anything would ever change. The disciples were alone. Everything they had believed in seemed lost and their souls were crushed. No answer seemed possible. The crowds had gone home.
The Saturday after Good Friday is the only day in over 2000 years that not one single person on earth believed that Jesus was alive. No one could understand God’s plan. This year, that day speaks loudly to me. While we wait to see what on earth God’s plan could possibly be. I’ve been an extremely unwilling participant in His plan this time. My plan seemed so much better. I’ve had quite a few arguments with Him. Loud ones.
Right now it’s still Saturday. Heaven feels so quiet. Why did there have to be a Saturday in between the day every hope and dream seemed crushed, and the joy and answers God had planned? It’s hard to figure out what to even do on Saturday, hard to hold onto the belief that God has to have a plan. But if Jesus could be found in a grave on Saturday, If He could literally be found in hell itself, is there anywhere that I can’t find Him?
So I CHOOSE today to trust God’s promise that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”. Even though I don’t like this plan I’ve had to live, I will choose to believe our “Sunday” is on the way. And know that His work on the cross was finished, but His plan for me is not.
“…weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.” – Psalms 30:5
“Keep asking God for what you want but then listen and thank Him for providing exactly what you need. Love you.” – Braden
Several months ago, a family friend suddenly experienced a seizure in the middle of an active and otherwise typical day. Soon after being admitted to the hospital, she was diagnosed with advanced and inoperable brain cancer. Prayers from the community poured out and following a relatively brief sequence of treatments our friend was deemed cancer-free. An awesome answer to prayer!
Sadly though, another friend was recently going about a completely normal day while spending time with his family. He began to complain of a severe headache and within a brief few hours he was gone, leaving a young family devastated and alone. When these events happen, our response is often the same. First come the waves of initial shock and disbelief. Then, soon to follow are the inevitable questions.
Why would such terrible things happen to such amazing and faith-filled people? How could someone so healthy and strong be taken in an instant? Both friends were living what many would consider to be the “perfect” lives. Successful careers, beautiful families, strong faith, very good health, and promising futures. How could they have such starkly different stories?
I could share many more personal experiences like these. Some prayers answered as hoped, but others seemingly ignored. Thankfully, I’ve witnessed my older brother, Randy’s healing from terminal cancer but sadly experienced the loss of our son, Braden to depression. Both were covered with the same quantity and sincerity of prayers, yet the outcomes were tragically different. We’re currently dealing with ongoing chronic health issues with our daughter who has lived a brief but faith-filled life, striving to recover emotionally from the loss of her only sibling. It’s not that anyone “earns” having their prayers answered, but if anyone was deserving she would certainly be on the list.
Admittedly, too often I rush to squeeze in a morning prayer time, listing mostly my own desires. I tend to scrimp on investing the time to slow down and listen. This week I took a few days off work for Spring Break which has allowed time to reflect and have conversations with God. I’ve arrived at a little more clarity as to why sometimes bad things happen to good people. By no stretch do I count myself as a good person but the question remains. Perhaps what I’ve heard this week in my prayer time may serve to help a reader or two who have their own questions about healing.
We humans were designed with imperfect bodies and a limited lifespan so sickness and death are inevitable. In this fallen world, God’s word says we’re ALL broken and in need of healing. Though some of us are really good at masking it, the weak spots are there and over time, they will inevitably begin to show. This broken condition has a name. It’s called being human. We are ALL born with it.
Even with their brilliance and extensive research, doctors are often at a loss as to what is happening with this human condition. Their efforts to heal are futile when the problem isn’t resolved with a pill or procedure. The Bible tells us God is The Great Physician but He doesn’t always heal our physical or mental illnesses even though we beg for it. In every Biblical story where healing occurred, not once was medicine a factor. True healing only occurred when God personally connected with the individual’s spiritual condition rather than the human condition through His son, Jesus.
When Jesus touched the broken, several of them threw away their crutches and others’ eyes were allowed to see again. Still there were a few who remained physically unhealed. In each case however, when the person fully trusted and accepted what Jesus offered, a new and abundant life instantly began. In each case (even when the person remained “disabled”) the way Jesus healed people served to reflect upon Him rather than upon them. Every story about Jesus healing brought glory to God no matter what the broken person’s circumstances. Now, that’s true healing!
Whenever I’ve witnessed physical healing of others around me, my faith has been confirmed. However, when I’ve observed lives which have completely been transformed, my faith is strengthened far more. It may be wise to re-think our questions about healing. Maybe by allowing our own brokenness to be used for God’s purposes, others might be drawn closer to finding the real healing they need. Rather than asking of God what we want from Him, we should instead be asking God what He wants from us?
PRAYER: Heavenly Father, we ask for YOUR will to be done rather than our own. May we serve to reflect You in this broken world. Please provide true healing for all of us who are broken. In Jesus’ name, Amen
”He sent out his word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death. Let them praise the Lord for his great love and for the wonderful things he has done for them.“ Psalms 107:20-21 NLT
“The most valuable gifts have no price tag.”- Love, Braden
Our daughter, Caitlin turns 18 this Christmas Eve. These two gift giving occasions coincide each year and especially now that she’s no longer a child, we’re running out of ideas. Thankfully, she’s always thoughtful to provide us with a wishlist!
We posted this last year but thought it timely to reshare. Maybe a new reader could use it this Christmas season or others may need a reminder. I certainly do.
Recently, a young mom at my office asked us to contribute an article on parenting for a company newsletter. I thought a lot about how to provide something of value for new parents who were just beginning their journey. The article needed to be brief yet practical. The question kept coming to mind: If Cathy and I were new parents today, wouldn’t it be great to have a checklist of do’s and don’ts from others who had insights from their own experiences?
As we enter another Christmas season, most of us form wishlists for our children, hoping to surprise them with something they’ll treasure and maybe use for awhile. Even with our best intentions, most will be discarded once the gifts are opened and the new has become worn. I began to consider what our own kids might ask for if they could have something that would always remain with them.
Arriving at the office that morning, I quickly began writing down thoughts before they faded. Later, our daughter reviewed the list for edits and to remove anything she felt didn’t fit the criteria. Our list is certainly not all-inclusive and each parent will have unique edits or additions. That is as it should be. Forming such a written list has been humbling to this parent. Still, taking stock helps and we all learn as we go. That’s an important part of the job.
Our prayer in this season of giving is that readers might choose one or two of these free gift ideas to give away to those we love the most.
Mom and dad, these are things we really NEED…love, your kids
Faith and Family
Walk consistently in your faith. We’re watching to see if the rules you follow on Sunday still apply on Monday.
Help us to personally know Jesus and to discern the difference between religion about Him vs. relationship with Him.
Encourage us to become active in a youth group and help us find the right one. We need a support group of peers who share our faith as we navigate our teenage years.
Sing out loud in church because we’re watching. If what the preacher says is such “Good News”, shouldn’t you be really happy about it?
Time and Connection
We can sometimes feel alone and out of touch in our world, so never stop giving us your hugs and kisses, even when we squirm or complain.
Make a priority of family time over work time. Both are important but not equal.
Have fun and be silly sometimes – laughter is the best painkiller.
Wisdom
We will eventually realize you didn’t have all the answers, but will always be grateful that you helped us learn and to grow in wisdom.
Teach us about keeping healthy boundaries against the world’s temptations and toxic people.
Help us learn how to choose our friends because they will influence our future.
Remind us that our identity is not determined by anything or anyone other than our Creator.
Let us know there is a difference between reacting and responding.
Communication
Let us know that no subject is taboo, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. If we can’t work through our questions with you, we’ll look for answers elsewhere.
Listen at least twice as long you speak.
In conflict, we’re the kids, so you be the adult.
Try not to curse – language is primarily learned by hearing.
You are our mirrors, so reflect what you want to see.
Security
Build and maintain a healthy marriage. It won’t happen without work and you may need to ask for some help.
As our parents, please share the same map. We’ll be confused with two different navigators.
Believe in us even when we disappoint you, because we will.
Create and keep family traditions – They make us feel secure.
In arguments, remember our walls are thinner than you think. Let us see you make up so we can know that families will disagree, but that’s ok.
When we leave to make our own home, keep a place for us in yours.
This list isn’t complete, but the most important thing to emphasize to any parent, new or old? Children are their parents’ most valuable gifts, but we only get to hold them for a brief moment. Enjoy the time and make the most of it! 🎁
‘Start children off the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. ‘ – Proverbs 22:6
“Dad, our Heavenly Father is not preparing a place here for you. He’s preparing YOU for a place here with Him”. – Remain true. Love you, Braden
“I won’t ever earn a place in Heaven, but my hope lies in trusting my loving Father will allow me in anyway”. – Braden’s dad
Our north Texas community is growing (as are many others) so fast it’s insane. Real estate prices have climbed through the roof as California moves to Texas. We have friends in real estate who say they have no lack of sales opportunities but the asking prices are far above the appraisal price. Banks don’t loan on anything above proven value.
Today, a prospective buyer in north Dallas arrives at the closing table with a significant amount of cash just to pay the difference between the real versus perceived value. They even have something real estate agents call “Love Letters” which are buyers trying to pull at the heart strings of a home owner to persuade them the sell.
What a terribly wonderful problem to have as a seller. Still if I sold tomorrow I’d have to pay twice as much to move to a similar property unless I buy a shack!
After our son, Braden took his life the morning of October, 30 in 2018, we’ve remained in family counseling. A couple of months ago, I had a conversation with one of them that stuck with me. The counselor asked me about “where I go in my mind” when I replay the day when Cathy called screaming into the phone. We talked about ways to “re-script” that horrific event in order to somehow cope with the trauma in a more healthy way. I was asked to think about our son and where he is in this very moment. What he’s doing? Where is he living? What does he look like?
The doc asked, “Do you believe you’ll ever join Braden again where he is now?” After a thoughtful pause, I finally replied, “Honestly, it’s about a ten percent bet. I’m completely assured he is in Heaven. He deserves the largest and most amazing mansion along with everything he didn’t have here, but I’ve not personally earned the chance to enter Heaven much less the opportunity to live in a mansion God has prepared there. I might squeeze in through a side door, but I’m lucky if there’s even a shack awaiting me”.
Although it was my attempt to make light of a heavy question, there was a hint of some truth in that response. The hard fact is I do have my doubts though rarely have they been verbalized. After all, how could the life I’ve lived here ever earn a ticket into Heaven. Fortunately, I have really good counselors who are strong in their Christian faith. The response to my fully honest answer was met with helpful wisdom.
“There are no shacks in Heaven. No one gets what we deserve based upon what we did or what we didn’t do here. Otherwise, Heaven would be totally empty. Even a shack in Heaven is far beyond anything the saints could have earned”
In my immaturity, I’ve always wondered, “Why would God build a mansion for me? Can’t He just blink and make that sort of thing happen?” How ignorant. The word, “Building” in this scripture means He is “Preparing”. Rather than swinging a hammer or sawing a 2×4, my Heavenly Father is spending His time each day of my physical life preparing ME for the spiritual one. A place He eternally has always had prepared which is with Him.
My faith and my sustenance lie in trusting that I won’t have to pay even one dime towards any mortgage for my “Heavenly mansion”. The only price for such an awesome gift is my surrender and faith in the Builder.
Prayer: Lord, help us replace our own selfish worldly plans with your perfect blue printed spiritual one. Watch over those who are in dark places right now, falling prey to a lie by thinking they don’t deserve to receive what Your offer… the gift of complete grace, forgiveness, and abundant life. In Your Son Jesus’ name, Amen.
John 14: 1-4
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
“We all have good days and bad. Ups and downs. Keep mindful that without darkness you won’t truly experience light.” – Braden
“Thanks for this reminder, son. We miss you so much and long to see you in the everlasting light of Heaven”. Dad
We are officially a “Dance Family”. Much of our time is spent preparing or performing. Not me. I just watch… and pay. Confession: I never knew how expensive this was until I had a “Dance Daughter”. Might be cheaper to put her under a private Olympics coach!
Most popular sports have a season. The NFL just closed out their most recent football season with the annual Superbowl, establishing the national championship team. Those players are now in their off-season, preparing for next Spring. Dance is constant. I’ve come to wonder if there even is an off-season.
Cait recently had a winter season “Dance Soiree”. Eighty (80) dances in one day. We love to watch Caitlin dance, but a 77:3 ratio of watching dances our daughter isn’t in is a lot (in one dad’s opinion). Still, I forged through, fighting the urge to play a game on my IPhone.
Sitting at the large white linen-covered round table, I turned our chairs around to face the stage. Having lost one child, one tends to appreciate what too many take for granted. In that mindset, it was more enjoyable to soak in the moment. We listened and watched their routines, enjoying what they were doing as they showed off their very best efforts to a supportive audience of parents.
Modern dance can be… let’s just say… different. During one set, the music sounded like an extended electrical short of hissing and buzzing without melody or lyrics. Still, there were people in the room who were moved to tears because it was their child.
There were sets with jazz and tap. Some with rap, and still others with a slow and elegant lyrical style. They all had every heart in the crowd moved in some way.
As kids, my brother and I were encouraged to take piano lessons. We were much more inclined to riding bikes, playing trucks in the field, or having dirt clod fights. To appease our parents, we took our lessons at the piano. We each alternated 30 minute sessions, keeping a timer. Mom sat pointing to each note and placing our finger positioning for scales, practiced over and over… and over and over. Once more with feeling, playing the scales. Again and again.
Mike and I hated piano lessons and I learned little more than proper posture. Also, we learned the notes on the scales and how they translated to the instrument. Like a puzzle, putting the notes together produced a song. Songs like “Camptown Ladies” and “She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain”. The classics.
Later in life, I found this basic training helped me learn to play a guitar which I actually enjoy. Guess it was worth the effort after all.
We also learned the white keys are “whole” notes. Playing only white keys produces a major chord. The black keys are called “half” notes and form a minor chord. Not to get too deep into musical theory, the black piano keys make a flat or sharp sound in a melody. Blended properly, a minor chord makes a sound that is thoughtful, somber, or even sad.
I’m not exactly sure how this works but a minor tone in a song immediately affects the listener’s emotion. Think of the theme for the movie, Forest Gump for example. You know, the feather floating around at the opening. That song is loaded with minor notes to produce emotion with the movie audience. If you recall the plot, Gump had a lot of triumphs as well as many tragedies.
Why would we want to include minor notes in a song? Who wants to feel sad when listening to music, watching a dance “soiree” or a feel-good movie? It’s because when the sad and joyful sounds blend together, they make a beautiful song. Hope is woven into the melody along with sadness. A well written song with both parts can be an amazing thing to experience.
In this life, we all have our ups and downs. Without them, life would be boring and without color. Life is a melody made of major and minor chords. Sometimes they seem like one huge dark minor note but more often they are blended together and balance with one another. As much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn’t want a life without some ups and downs… and the hope that lies in trusting Jesus to bring light in our darkness. Hope in Him sustains.
Prayer
Lord, thank you for the hope you bring in finding joy even in the midst of despair. Thanks for blessings like a dancing daughter who brings light when things look so dark at times. You provide hope and peace beyond understanding. Be with those today who are in the middle of a very dark moment in their life and remind them You alone should be their song. It is in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
“When people ask what they can do in despair, tell them to trust in Christ alone. That’s the missing piece all people need but too many fail to seek or to accept”. Braden
“Thanks for this reminder, son. I too often find myself frustrated by trying to force pieces together that look right but which don’t fit.” Braden’s Dad
The holiday season is behind us and let’s face it, there is some solace in returning to routine. After all, lax time around the season can get boring. Our kids annually put up a puzzle table to work while waiting for the “eventful” moments like opening gifts or a get together with friends. We don’t rush the project as it’s just a way to relax, talk, and laugh as we work to put the pieces in place.
This year, we worked on a pretty intricate puzzle. Honestly, it was my first time to participate as I tend to be impatient and give up after looking for the matching parts and failing for ten minutes or so. However, this year, I decided to play along and was somewhat encouraged and proud to say I found some success. Not to brag, but I got most of Santa Claus’ beard and bag done on my own.
As we neared completion, it began to look like we would finish before Christmas Day. The pace picked up as we could see the picture coming into full focus. We were only about ten pieces away from solving the puzzle when it became obvious some pieces were missing. Apparently, the dogs wanted to play along too and had gotten hold of three puzzle pieces, chewing them beyond recognition.
Here was this perfect picture and one we’d all worked with hopes of completing fully, but now it was futile. I mean, you can’t order one replacement part for a 2,000 piece puzzle so we were left a little discouraged. All our effort to complete the project and to make it suitable for framing fell short in the end. Oh, well. Maybe next year.
Since we began a not-for-profit ministry called “Braden’s Voice.org” there have been numerous opportunities to present to schools, churches, and youth groups. Most recently, I found myself in front of the congregation of the Prosper United Methodist Church. A ministry advocating for teen relationship-building and suicide awareness had never been on my radar. It certainly didn’t fit the puzzle of what my life would look like when I started.
Prior to that church presentation, Cathy and I were invited to speak with two church youth groups who gathered to discuss teen depression, culture, and relationships. The discussion was an open forum where we presented our story and the kids were asked to present honest questions.
It was going along great. We shared about life prior to the teen years and how changes presented challenges in the middle and high school years. How Braden found himself outside social circles looking in through a computer or phone screen. We talked about the false front social media puts on the world and how important it is to not fall for that façade.
The participation and engagement was outstanding. Several of the youth were outspoken as to their desire to make a difference in their culture and among their peers. I thought, “Wow. This is going well”. Then, we got a question that stumped me. It was from a teenage girl.
“Mr. Speed. All this talk about helping the Braden’s of the world is great. What can you tell us to do when we fall into despair, loneliness, or depression? What do we tell a friend who wants to hurt themselves and sees no hope in their world? What can you tell us about that?
… I have to admit I lost some breath at the bold question. This young lady was dead serious in her questions and desperately needing a real and practical answer. My response was knee jerk and I still regret how shallow it came out. “Talk with your minister, your parents, or a counselor”.
I still can see the look of disappointment in this child’s eyes when she heard the standard answer to such a heavy question until then, unasked. However, it was the most important question all night. I didn’t give her what she needed. After all, we had dealt with that very dilemma and as his parents, along with the capable help of counselors and ministers, we still couldn’t save him.
Through the following weeks after the youth group meeting, I prayed and sought wisdom on this most-important question. After a process of elimination of what DOES NOT work, I’m left with one solitary and crystal clear answer to the missing puzzle piece of a meaningful and valued life… simply this: Jesus Christ.
As I mentioned, we had a subsequent invitation to the Methodist Church several weeks after the youth group discussion. That week’s Advent candle was about Joy.
I knew the missing piece had to be identified and the answer had to be ready if and when the question was asked. The answer couldn’t be a traditional response: to get with the counselor or a parent. Although both are important, they are not the missing piece this and other teens need to identify.
So when Sunday at United Methodist came and I was again in front of now a full size church congregation, the pastor finally asked me the puzzling question: “Mark, our church has a number of teens today who you have an opportunity to speak into, following your family’s loss. What do you have to say to them?”
This time, my answer was better
“I know you are struggling right now. Some of you may even be thinking you don’t want to stay the course of your natural life. You may wish to leave early. I understand that and you need to know there is a better way. After living through this as a father, I’ve come to one conclusion, and that is to place your identity in no one nor in anything of this world”.
I went on. “I talk about going to your counselor or to your parent. Well, let me rephrase. Go to The Counselor who is your Heavenly Father and place your faith in a personal relationship with Him alone. We’ve proven the world is full of really cool stuff and millions of distractions. These things can bring about temporary happiness. However, there is a huge difference between happiness and joy.
Happiness is fleeting. It frequently comes but it always goes. Joy in knowing and having a true relationship with our Father in Heaven is ever-lasting even through the sadness and gloom of this world. Jesus didn’t come here to judge you but rather to let you know you are loved beyond any of your shortcomings. So be joy-filled in knowing and trusting this one eternal truth. And Live a life of JOY in HIM”.
Weeks earlier, I had been speechless and without a worthy answer to that young lady’s heartfelt question. This time, though I had sought His guidance and counsel. I was finally relieved to find the one and only missing piece needed to complete the puzzle: Seek Joy in Him.
Readers
We spend far too much of our time putting effort into building a perfect image of what we think life should look like. We buy things or plan events, trips, etc. because we long for happiness. Yet, time and experience confirms happiness from things, desires, and even in people are passing things. Every single thing other than the love of Christ will pass away or break down. If you’re missing the puzzle piece of real and lasting joy, you can find it by simply asking Him.
Prayer
Heavenly Father and perfect Counselor, we accept your promise that if we ask, you will hear our plea. We do that now by seeking a personal and intimate relationship with you, our Creator and Savior. We pray against the temptation to be happiness seekers and instead to find joy in knowing You.
In your Son Jesus’ name we pray, Amen
2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Braden’s Voice 