Author: Mark Speed

“How should we pray?” – Braden’s dad

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.” David

On a dark October morning in 2018, I found something I hadn’t even realized was missing. Faith. Having attended church since birth and buying my own Bible, I wrongly assumed faith must have been part of the package. But it wasn’t. The faith I found that morning wasn’t borrowed from other believers, but had finally become uniquely mine. I thank God each day for His love, patience, and grace as I had searched blindly in my wilderness all those years. That was God’s provision for such an undeserving and prideful wanderer. Ironically, my personal faith had to be delivered in the shadow of indescribable loss.

When a container is completely emptied, its original purpose is gone. However, I’ve learned firsthand how an emptied vessel can be used again. Each day now begins by thanking God for recycling me. In recent years, I’ve had several mentoring opportunities. I never sought such a role, but I’m glad God provided it because teachers certainly do learn more than their students. Often over a table or coffee, we talk honestly about our faith. We ask the hard questions about God and often the topic of prayer enters the conversation. A common confession has been, “Honestly, I don’t know how to pray…”. Or, “How can I pray without it just becoming a selfish wishlist?”

I’m certainly no expert, but these are just a few of my own experiences and thoughts gleaned from time with other wanderers like myself in constant search of a better understanding and closer connection with our Creator.

First, I believe God hears every prayer from every believer’s heart and anyone honestly seeking Him. Pray about anything. Nothing is off limits. It’s that simple.

Second, content and method is of far less significance to God than it is to us. As with any relationship, connection grows deeper over time and with consistency. Trust and honesty is the goal and it only comes from a humble and hungering heart.

Thirdly, the phrase, “a personal relationship with Jesus Christ” isn’t just a churchy phrase. It means we’re each unique, and all have our own style, timing, and language in prayer. Some are audible and others are silent. I personally prefer to speak aloud as one would when talking with their closest and most trusted friend. It gives the conversation more clarity. But that’s just me.

A few years ago, I personally landed on the following structure and shared it with my family and others who ask about prayer. By coincidence (or was it?) each point begins with the letter “P”. At first my girls thought it sounded funny, but as we talked, they agreed. It’s easier to remember this way because many of us are easily distracted when trying to focus during prayer time.

Since prayer is ultimately related to achieving the “Peace beyond understanding” God promises, I found it appropriate to call this my “Prayer 4 P’s”. Maybe it can help someone else today who is seeking such peace.

Prayer For Peace (4 P’s)

I begin by citing the Lord’s Prayer, inserting the following after the part about “Your will be done”.

I pray for God’s…

Purpose: This isn’t our purpose but God’s purpose for the remaining days we have left to be used for Him. We may want to promote into a leadership position at work, but God’s heart may have us instead becoming a faithful servant to others. God defines the word “success” much differently than we do.

Provision: This is where God provides opportunities we may or may not even know exist or often ones we’ve never considered possible. It’s also about intrinsic provision like wisdom, discernment, and guidance. Rarely is this request money or worldly “stuff”.

Protection: The Enemy is very real and instead of trying to ignore this reality, we should speak confidently about its deceit, distractions, and distortions which are all very effective weapons used to manipulate our choices and efforts. We can’t hope to win any war by ignoring it nor by avoiding the daily battles.

Presence: Our world’s anxieties can be largely avoided or better managed by welcoming Him into our space. I’m convinced His presence is the vacuum we all experience but too few acknowledge. Fewer still ever find it so why wouldn’t we simply ask for it.

Again, these are not provided from an expert but from a fellow searcher. I’ve found that each time I’ve sought these things in prayer, God has answered without exception. So today this searcher will be praying for others seeking. Watch what happens!

Prayer for the Reader: Father, reveal to us Your purpose for our lives. Make provision in ways we could never imagine. Protect us because through these very requests we will be targeted by the Enemy. Grant us your presence as near as our own breath. Above all these, we pray for the Peace You have assured and which will surpass our understanding. For these things we are thankful..

Simply put, Jesus, make our hearts Yours. Amen

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37‬:‭4‬

“… the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people….”
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭13‬:‭14‬

“After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’”
‭‭Acts‬ ‭13‬:‭22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“I wonder what my life would have been like if...?” – Braden

“I have something fathers need to hear. I only hope they listen”. – Braden’s dad

Another year will soon become history and lately they’re passing at an increasingly faster pace. Only yesterday it seems we were storing away last year’s Christmas lights and next week, my to-do list already has me climbing once more into that dusty attic. “Old-timers” have long lamented how time speeds up as we age and I’ve come to realize it’s true. However, in addition to some of its less desired offerings, the aging condition brings at least one beneficial side effect… wisdom.

For years, my eyesight held steady at 20/15 (better than perfect). That is, until around the age of fifty, when my quality of vision quickly took a nosedive. Overnight, either my arms were shortened or I was rapidly becoming far-sighted. Though I can still clearly see a road sign from 100 yards away, reading a book at arm’s length has become impossible without the aid of glasses. Ironically, as time began to diminish my eyesight, it has greatly helped to improve my insight.

This blog is for all willing to read, but today’s message is mainly for parents and specifically, fathers. It was more difficult than others to put into words, and I’ve procrastinated. However, the message is important. Today, as we mark a new year of to-do lists, this “insight” from one father to another is long overdue. My only prayer is that it will be found useful.

On a Saturday morning last October, I had just two things on my weekend calendar. First, was breakfast with a good friend. The second, was set to take place later at a nearby park with more than 250 people who would be there to walk in remembrance of a loved one, a friend, or a child who had taken their own life.

For purposes of this story, I’ll refer to my friend anonymously as “Hank” since I don’t currently know anyone by that name. Hank is a few years older than me and a father of three adult children. One, a grown son. As we talked over breakfast, he mentioned that his car had broken down, but he lacked the money to pay for a mechanic. His son was going to drop by his place later that day to see how they might be able to get it running again. Hank’s son was struggling with the typical responsibilities of a young man and my friend was concerned. He’d tried everything possible to help, but it seemed futile. As a dad, I understood too well. As our kids grow, a father’s ability to help begins to wane. Work, marriage, children, finances, (or lack of these) begin to fall outside a dad’s reach to assist.

As Hank shared more, he was obviously searching for some way to help his “kid” and as his friend, I wanted to provide something beyond moral support and a prayer. As he talked about his concerns, a picture immediately entered my memory. Even with blurry vision, this mental visualization was far too clear. It was of a morning years earlier when I’d packed to leave on another business trip. Forgetting something in the house, I returned unexpectedly to a surprised family. On the couch sat our son, crying. Being too self-focused and wanting to hurry, I impatiently barked at him. With tears pouring down his reddened face, it was clear that he was feeling hopeless and broken. Standing there in shock and my own helplessness, one part of me wanted to hug him, but the other part wanted to return to my car and just escape. I’ll never forget his tear-filled words.

“I wonder what my life would have been like if my father had just believed in me.”

Trust me dads, this is not a phrase you ever want to hear yet one I can’t un-hear. For this reason, I’ve concluded it too important to dismiss. At least you might avoid hearing it yourself.

During my mental detour, my friend had continued with the conversation. I asked him to please repeat the words he’d just spoken, but this time to listen to them carefully. He looked at me like I was crazy, but began. He repeated, “My car is broken down and this afternoon my son is coming over to help”? At this point, I stopped him. “Now, just say that last part once more, but this time slow down and really listen”. He was now clearly convinced of my insanity, but he complied. “My son is coming over to help me today…..” Hank’s own words were now sinking in and his face reflected their deeper significance. My friend knew of our story but he had no idea about my own afternoon plans. He had no clue my next stop would be an event to remember a son who was no longer there to walk with me, much less work together on a father-son weekend project.

Then completely unplanned, I shared with my friend about the painful experience I have now shared with you. It’s one I’m still trying to forget of a desperately lost child, hungering for the simple approval from a dad who was too busy, too selfish, and too distracted to even notice. As my friend and I parted ways that morning, I challenged him with a very simple homework assignment. He thanked me later, so I now extend the assignment to other willing fathers. I’m confident it will benefit both you AND your children as you navigate your own lives.

Homework Assignment

Begin the new year by intentionally blessing your children. If you have just one or if you have many, bless each child individually based upon their individual personality. Yes, a mother’s love is vitally important, but nothing on this earth is more life impacting on our children than the blessing of their father.

But what does this father’s blessing even look like?

If you had a father who was absent or never gave you his blessing, you have the opportunity to change that trend for the family generations to follow yours. There is no better example than what God did through His Son, Jesus. So read the Bible to understand what it looks like and its implications. Simply put, it means consistently affirming a child’s intrinsic value as seen through their father’s eyes. As a father who has struggled with this concept, I falsely assumed my children must “just somehow know” of my love. But there’s something uniquely more powerful in a father’s spoken words. Here’s just one rough example, but make the words your own.

“Son/Daughter, I know this will feel strange and uncomfortable but trust me, it’s important. I want you to know without a single doubt that your father loves you exactly as you are. You are my gift from God and my most prized treasure. You will always be a success in my eyes no matter what you do, where you go, or what you achieve. This is my blessing to you and it’s too rarely given. Hold onto it tightly. When life or even death eventually separate us, keep my blessing firmly planted in your heart. Your father believes in YOU”.

Fathers. On our New Year’s resolution lists, before any other priority, let’s add the one I’ve listed here at the very top and make sure it gets a checkmark.

1. Give my children their father’s blessing

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thanks for giving us Your unconditional love and blessing. Being a dad is easy, but being a father requires more than we have, so we seek your guidance in this important role. May we learn from the mistakes we will certainly make. Bless this new year and those ahead through our family’s generations. May we, as fathers serve well the children with whom You have blessed us. Amen

“All these are the twelve tribes of Israel, and this is what their father spoke to them. So he blessed them. He blessed them, every one with the blessing appropriate to him.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭49‬:‭28‬ ‭

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭

“Be faithful for those who are faithless.” – Braden

“I’m still learning. Lord, keep teaching.” – Braden’s dad

On a bench in the middle of a small country church, sat a father who just lost everything. At least to him, it felt so. A wave of tragedy had struck with such enormity that his home had been obliterated, leaving only the struggling survivors. The words spoken by the minister that Sunday morning were garbled and yet the man struggled to listen. The message seemed distantly hopeful, but far beyond reach. He was completely alone with only the breath still left in his lungs. Then the minister said something that man will never forget. “I want you all to meet a man who is sitting here with us today. I’m not sure how he dragged himself here because he probably should have stayed home. This man is feeling completely lost and without any sign of hope. I want those of you around him to place your hands on him and to pray over him”.

I’ve taken medicine to make things feel better. I’ve tried counseling and countless other means of help. Nothing has ever felt more healing than the hands of those people around my shoulders that day. After their prayer, I looked up to discover the entire congregation gathered with their hands placed on one another’s shoulders, like a network of hearts connecting to mine. Their energy filled a depleted battery and to this day I draw upon that experience as a resource for hope offered nowhere else. Before that November morning in 2018, I’d never been prayed over in public. I had heard of it and even seen a few such occasions, but felt embarrassed for the person. Like begging for help on a public street corner. They must be pitiful. How could someone fall so far that they would need complete strangers to pray over them.

Recently, our church unexpectedly lost its pastor. The church he founded 25 years earlier was thriving and growing. He and his family remain solidly part of this church and in our hearts, but we are hurting. In one moment, a vibrant church was struck by tragedy without any warning. The feelings seem too familiar. Today’s message was titled, “The Lord is Faithful”. How God is always there even when we can’t see Him. As I thought about those words, they seemed overused. I’d heard the phrase all my life. Still, as I read them today on the digital display, they kept ringing in my ears… “the Lord is faithful.” Faithful. Faithful? I’m not sure I believe this. Doesn’t that mean God eventually comes through with our requests every time? He certainly hasn’t done that for us.

We had left our daughter at home alone because she was unable to join us at this very church service. This has now become a common occurrence as she battles a chronic health condition, still without answers. This storm remains with us while the looming cloud approaches of yet another anniversary of her brother’s death. It’s certainly not for a lack of prayers or the awareness that the Bible says God is faithful. Still, it begs the question. Is He, really?

Maybe it means He’s faithful to someone else. He certainly hasn’t been showing signs to us nor many of the other families who we’ve come to know. They’re still are dealing with storms beyond anything most of us could fathom. Still, those words kept ringing in my ears. He is FAITHFUL.

At the end of the sermon, the preacher said he wanted to do something unusual. He asked for anyone in the congregation who was facing a storm to simply stand. I found myself thinking, “How awkward for someone. How embarrassing.” Yes, the criteria applied to the guy sitting in my chair, but no one needed to know about the storms in my home. Pride had me in a locked and seated position. Then to my right, my wife slowly began to stand. The speaker then asked for anyone still seated to stand and to place their arms around those who had risen…. and to pray together. Suddenly, as I stood to embrace my wife, we both were embraced by others. Complete strangers who not only prayed but wept with us, almost like they felt our pain.

Suddenly, the words I’d heard all my life about God made more sense. These who stood with us were the faith-filled. Like those strangers who had formed a network of hearts in that small country church around this man seven years earlier… they were the Faith-full. The healing and hope provided through those strangers who I’m confident had survived storms of their own, stood ready, willing, and wanting to encourage us through ours.

“The Lord IS faithful” took on a whole new meaning for me today. I hope such faithfulness will mark my life going forward. We need others who are faithful to surround us, but more importantly (and likely more healing) we need to be the faith-full to others.

Prayer: Lord, thank You for being faithful and for those around us who are faith-full. You often show us hope through others who reflect Jesus to us in this world. May we acknowledge these people and serve as the faith-full to those who are just barely surviving their own storms.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God.” – Isaac 43:2

“Look for me wherever you go. I’ll show up once in awhile, out of the blue.” – Braden

I thought the dreams were gone, only to return now with more frequency. Once again, our son is right next to me, indescribably real. So real, I now refer to them as “meetings”. Usually he’s still a teen, and other times again that beautiful little boy, his uniquely brilliant smile gleaming. During a few of our meetings he’s grown older. A handsome young man we never had the blessing to know. Each dream version of our son is different, yet each meeting the same. For a brief vanishing moment, I can touch him and tell him how I miss him. These dreams are a love/hate thing I equally desire yet dread. Something only another parent could fathom.

These particular dreams began happening seven years ago and eventually stopped. Lately, they’ve resumed and in our most recent meeting, I told him about our nightmare. How we thought he had died. About the impact of his absence on each one of us. How faith grew and changed his dad’s perspective on God, and how that God had turned dark into day. In this dream, Braden didn’t say a word, but his eyes were flooded with silent tears. I’m not sure if they were regret or gratitude. Maybe both. Then as suddenly as he had appeared, reality faded into view as my eyes opened and he wasn’t there. Robbed again by another cruel dream. I’m beginning to think these will be part of my remaining days. Like a soldier returning home safely from war, yet never again the same.

I know friends who have lost siblings, parents, and sadly too many who have lost a child. They are comforted to see loved ones in everyday places and various forms. Some are seen in a hummingbird in the backyard. Some are butterflies lighting on a hand and lingering longer than normal. Others feel their loved one in the lyrics of a favorite song. I can relate to each and believe they are real. Mine happen when I’m not looking for him and in the most random moments. This sounds weird but it’s true. He appears to me through other kids.

I recently saw him on a plane. He was playing a video game and frustrated each time he lost. During the four hour flight he said nothing and seemed lost in his world of technology. Later in a cafe, I caught a glimpse of him at a crowded table. His hairstyle was unkempt and he seemed just a little uncomfortable though the other kids at his table looked confident and sure. In such moments, the father in me would love to go talk with that kid and assure him life will be different someday and to just hang in there.

Away on vacations, we often meet other families. This week we met a young father swimming with his new baby girl. He introduced himself and our conversation moved to Caitlin and her plans for the future. As often happens, the inevitable question arose. “Do you have any sisters or brothers?” I always feel that sting of pain and silently listen for her response, knowing she hasn’t got an easy reply. Her answer has always been a yes, but for the first time I heard her say, “No”. I understood, but the response rang in my ears. This young dad was probably having the very best day of his life, certainly not deserving it to be dampened needlessly.

Later, I assured Caitlin that she had done the right thing, knowing that she certainly did have a brother. When I’m asked if we have other children, I have the same awkward hesitation. As I thought more about it, I believe our son is there in such uncomfortable moments. This time I hadn’t seen him in this child, but Braden was absolutely in words that fell out of my mouth. As the dad gently guided his tiny baby girl, I could see her future. She’d have trials and successes they never could expect in life. I’m confident she’ll eventually become a strong swimmer and certainly cherished by her parents. I looked this proud young father in the eyes and out of the blue, Braden spoke.

“Enjoy each and every moment. Trust me, you’ll never regret the time spent with your child”.

To parents: Time is precious. Invest it well.