“Pop, I’m so glad you finally accepted the invitation… Welcome HOME!” – Braden
“I’m going to be in heaven with you!” – Braden’s Pop
Reader: There have been occasions when I’ve wanted to share about our dad’s life, but I respected his wishes for privacy. Now that he’s gone, perhaps the time is right. I’ve tried to condense these words while not diminishing their value. I’ve done my best and that’s all my father ever asked.
Before our childhood home vanished from time and decay, it stood in a cotton field on the South Plains of Texas. Our family recently gathered near that home last week to say goodbye to our dad, Merlin Speed. On August 27, 2025, their wedding anniversary reunion became a celebration of 70 years of marriage, a sad goodbye, and a tribute to our father’s life.
We will all likely occupy multiple houses over a lifetime, but to most people, “home” is considered that of our childhood. Those formative years serve as a lens on our worldview and can serve as a helpful source to later draw upon if our home was healthy. However, too often the lens is distorted by trauma, dysfunction, or abandonment. That was the case with my dad.
Dad began life in a converted chicken pen with no electric power and no plumbing. Their family moved within a few years, but the address changed more frequently than the calendar. He certainly wasn’t blessed with the kind of childhood home he would dedicate his life to providing. Although our home wasn’t fancy, I felt blessed. In dad’s passing, we aren’t as mournful as we are thankful.
The past few days have been full of remembrances. Memory Lane is so congested with stories, it’s difficult to enumerate them much less do justice in their telling. One sticks in my mind that now seems timely to share.
Farm kids learn best by watching and doing. We did a lot of both. After every rain storm, the routine was to jump in dad’s truck to go “check the farms”. It was less a matter of looking at the rain soaked fields than feeling a sense of hope for a successful harvest. On these crop tours, dad often considered it necessary to leave the pavement and venture down ungraded county roads or directly into the muddy cotton fields. Both options met with impassable paths only suitable for tractors or road-maintainers. Such roads were certainly not made for a Ford F150 pickup truck.
I watched in fear as his steering wheel would begin turning from a reasonably navigable road into a treacherous mud field. We all were thinking but never saying, “Why?” With few exceptions, we would become stuck to the bumpers with the tires spinning futilely in the red mud. Then, we’d watch in awe as dad gunned the engine forward and reverse, holding his mouth just right, occasionally using some choice words, and finally gaining traction. First it would move inches, then a few feet, and finally we’d be unstuck, able to continue the tour.
His truck never once became so buried that dad couldn’t clear it with sheer determination, effort, and inventiveness. He never recruited nor accepted help. Watching him do this enough times, I learned the unstuck skill and even recall my own son’s amazed admiration when I freed us from a mud slick while shooting guns on the outskirts of Prosper. A street sign now marks that spot at the intersection of Braden Lane and Legacy Boulevard.
I always respected dad for his abilities to “fix” broken things and his resilience in overcoming his childhood experiences. However, success in overcoming extreme hardship can have a devastating side effect called self-reliance. Much of his life, he leaned entirely on his own strength, abilities, and knowledge. At least he thought so. Fortunately, many friends, neighbors, and family saw hope and potential in our dad. Along with our faith-filled mother, an unknown number of others refused to leave him stuck. While he was spinning, they were praying.
For years, my own prayer was that God would speak to dad in words only he could understand. We’d all encouraged his acceptance of Jesus’ invitations, but pride is a thief and it stole a lot of his life. On October 22, 2023,, I received an unexpected but overdue call. I can’t recall the exact time but will never forget dad’s words. “Son, I woke up this morning and heard a message I can’t even explain. The words weren’t new, but their meaning was clearer than ever. It was like someone speaking directly to me”. Through his tears my dad rarely revealed, I heard him say, “Son, I’m going to be in heaven with you!”
The conviction in his testimony was certain and I’m fully convinced my father had finally been freed. He spoke of only one regret in having remained “stuck” so long in his pride. It had taken our father all his life to finally become unstuck, but he didn’t do it by effort. He had surrendered. Many had extended a hand to pull or push him through, but ironically, it was in giving up that finally moved him forward.
Our father’s view had finally become cleared from the distorted lens he’d worn so long and he was finally able to see Jesus. I’d give anything to have been there to witness their meeting, but I’m joyful in knowing our son watched it. In awe, I can imagine him reunited with his Pop who had finally become unstuck.
Pop and Braden
Reader: If this story rings familiar, we pray Jesus’ standing invitation is one you’ll consider accepting. Our dad’s story is testament to the fact that it’s never too late. A relationship is all He seeks and it’s completely free. Praying for those stuck today.
“The most valuable gifts have no price tag.”- Braden
Our daughter, Caitlin’s 18th birthday is on Christmas Eve. These two giving occasions coincide each year and especially now that she’s no longer a child, we’re running out of gift ideas. Thankfully, she’s always thoughtful to provide us with a wishlist!
We posted this last year but thought it timely to reshare. Maybe a new reader could use it this Christmas season or others may need a reminder. I certainly do.
Recently, a young mom at my office asked BradensVoice to contribute an article on parenting for their company newsletter. I thought a lot about how to provide something of use for new parents just beginning their journey. The article needed to be brief yet practical. The question kept coming to mind: If Cathy and I were new parents today, wouldn’t it be helpful to have a list of do’s and don’ts from others who had insights from their own experiences?
Each Christmas season, most of us form wishlists for our children, hoping to surprise them with something they’ll treasure and maybe even use for awhile. Even with our best intentions, most will be discarded once the gifts are opened and the new has become worn. I began to consider what all children might ask for if they could get something that could remain with them always.
Arriving at the office that morning, I quickly began writing down thoughts before they faded. Later, our daughter reviewed the list for edits and to remove anything she felt didn’t fit the criteria. Our list is certainly not all-inclusive and each parent will have unique edits or additions. That is as it should be. Forming such a written list has been humbling to this parent. Still, taking stock helps and we all learn as we go. That’s an important part of the job.
Our prayer in this season of giving is that readers might choose one or two of these free gift ideas to give away to those we love the most.
Mom and dad, these are things we really NEED…love, your kids
Faith and Family
Walk consistently in your faith. We’re watching to see if the rules you follow on Sunday still apply on Monday.
Help us to personally know Jesus and to discern the difference between religion about Him vs. relationship with Him.
Encourage us to become active in a youth group and help us find the right one. We need a support group of peers who share our faith as we navigate our teenage years.
Sing out loud in church because we’re watching. If what the preacher says is such “Good News”, shouldn’t you be really happy about it?
Time and Connection
We can sometimes feel alone and out of touch in our world, so never stop giving us your hugs and kisses, even when we squirm or complain.
Make a priority of family time over work time. Both are important but not equal.
Have fun and be silly sometimes – laughter is the best painkiller.
Wisdom
We will eventually realize you didn’t have all the right answers, but we’ll always be grateful you helped us to learn from mistake and grow in wisdom.
Teach us about keeping healthy boundaries against the world’s temptations and toxic people.
Help us learn how to choose our friends because they will influence our future.
Remind us that our identity is not determined by anything or anyone other than our Creator.
Let us know there is a difference between reacting and responding.
Communication
Let us know that no subject is taboo, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. If we can’t work through our questions with you, we’ll look for answers elsewhere.
Listen at least twice as long you speak.
In conflict, we’re the kids, so you be the adult.
Try not to curse – language is primarily learned by hearing.
You are our mirrors, so reflect what you want to see in us.
Security
Build and maintain a healthy marriage. It won’t happen without work and you may need to ask for some help.
As our parents, please share the same map. We’ll be confused with two conflicted navigators.
Believe in us even when we disappoint you, because we will.
Create and keep family traditions – They make us feel secure.
In arguments, remember our walls are thinner than you think. Let us see you make up so we can know that families will disagree, but that’s ok.
When we leave to make our own home, keep a place for us in yours.
This list isn’t complete, but the most important thing to emphasize to any parent, new or old? Children are their parents’ most valuable gifts, but we only get to hold them for a brief moment. Enjoy the time and make the most of it! 🎁
‘Start children off the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. ‘ – Proverbs 22:6
“The most valuable gifts have no price tag.”- Love, Braden
Our daughter, Caitlin turns 18 this Christmas Eve. These two gift giving occasions coincide each year and especially now that she’s no longer a child, we’re running out of ideas. Thankfully, she’s always thoughtful to provide us with a wishlist!
We posted this last year but thought it timely to reshare. Maybe a new reader could use it this Christmas season or others may need a reminder. I certainly do.
Recently, a young mom at my office asked us to contribute an article on parenting for a company newsletter. I thought a lot about how to provide something of value for new parents who were just beginning their journey. The article needed to be brief yet practical. The question kept coming to mind: If Cathy and I were new parents today, wouldn’t it be great to have a checklist of do’s and don’ts from others who had insights from their own experiences?
As we enter another Christmas season, most of us form wishlists for our children, hoping to surprise them with something they’ll treasure and maybe use for awhile. Even with our best intentions, most will be discarded once the gifts are opened and the new has become worn. I began to consider what our own kids might ask for if they could have something that would always remain with them.
Arriving at the office that morning, I quickly began writing down thoughts before they faded. Later, our daughter reviewed the list for edits and to remove anything she felt didn’t fit the criteria. Our list is certainly not all-inclusive and each parent will have unique edits or additions. That is as it should be. Forming such a written list has been humbling to this parent. Still, taking stock helps and we all learn as we go. That’s an important part of the job.
Our prayer in this season of giving is that readers might choose one or two of these free gift ideas to give away to those we love the most.
Mom and dad, these are things we really NEED…love, your kids
Faith and Family
Walk consistently in your faith. We’re watching to see if the rules you follow on Sunday still apply on Monday.
Help us to personally know Jesus and to discern the difference between religion about Him vs. relationship with Him.
Encourage us to become active in a youth group and help us find the right one. We need a support group of peers who share our faith as we navigate our teenage years.
Sing out loud in church because we’re watching. If what the preacher says is such “Good News”, shouldn’t you be really happy about it?
Time and Connection
We can sometimes feel alone and out of touch in our world, so never stop giving us your hugs and kisses, even when we squirm or complain.
Make a priority of family time over work time. Both are important but not equal.
Have fun and be silly sometimes – laughter is the best painkiller.
Wisdom
We will eventually realize you didn’t have all the answers, but will always be grateful that you helped us learn and to grow in wisdom.
Teach us about keeping healthy boundaries against the world’s temptations and toxic people.
Help us learn how to choose our friends because they will influence our future.
Remind us that our identity is not determined by anything or anyone other than our Creator.
Let us know there is a difference between reacting and responding.
Communication
Let us know that no subject is taboo, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. If we can’t work through our questions with you, we’ll look for answers elsewhere.
Listen at least twice as long you speak.
In conflict, we’re the kids, so you be the adult.
Try not to curse – language is primarily learned by hearing.
You are our mirrors, so reflect what you want to see.
Security
Build and maintain a healthy marriage. It won’t happen without work and you may need to ask for some help.
As our parents, please share the same map. We’ll be confused with two different navigators.
Believe in us even when we disappoint you, because we will.
Create and keep family traditions – They make us feel secure.
In arguments, remember our walls are thinner than you think. Let us see you make up so we can know that families will disagree, but that’s ok.
When we leave to make our own home, keep a place for us in yours.
This list isn’t complete, but the most important thing to emphasize to any parent, new or old? Children are their parents’ most valuable gifts, but we only get to hold them for a brief moment. Enjoy the time and make the most of it! 🎁
‘Start children off the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. ‘ – Proverbs 22:6
“911. What is your emergency?” – Prosper dispatcher
“”Family, we have a choice here. We can either react by going down because of this or we can respond by rising above it. We will choose the latter.
Do you know who that was? It was Jesus” – Braden’s Dad
“Mom and Dad. I’m proud y’all have responded by running towards Jesus rather than reacting and running away. Christ wants you to respond to His call, acknowledging Him as God’s only Son, worthy of your worship even in the firestorm of tragedy. I love you all so much”. – Braden
Prosper First Response team who arrived on Camden Way on 911 call: Left to Right: Armando Fernandez (Driver/ Engineer); Jason Graham, Captain; Stuart Blasingame, Fire Chief; David Weimer and Lee Marshall, Firefighter Paramedics, and Shaw Eft, Assistant Fire Chief. Not pictured: Tim Easterling and Chase Lowery, Fire fighter paramedics
In Memoriam
One year ago, I thought of the local fire department as those Gung-Ho guys who drove through town at all hours of day or night, running traffic lights while blaring extremely loud sirens and honking their horns (Not unlike the typical high school teen when you think about it).
I didn’t realize they lived almost half their working years away from their families on 24 hour shifts three times each week while training every day to become more effective at their jobs. I didn’t stop to think much at all about the impact their job must have on them emotionally and mentally. Especially, calls like ours to 911 that day. I think about it all the time now.
After October 30, I came to better know them as husbands and fathers just like me. Sharing a “trench” of tragedy together, I’m now honored to count several of these men as friends and extended family. We honor these noble men and women and those who have even sacrificed their lives in the line of duty.
This week I watched a Facebook-live feed being broadcast from downtown Dallas on an iPhone held by Prosper Fire Chief, Stuart Blasingame. He recorded almost an hour to honor lost brethren: fallen first responders in the doomed World Trade Center towers on lower Manhattan Island on the anniversary of our country being attacked by terrorists on 9-11-2001. Watching his crew and hundreds of north Texas first responders moved me deeply.
I found the timing appropriate to write our interwoven stories about our son and these heroes who serve to protect as they respond at all hours of the night and day, running red lights and honking horns.
In Prosper on every police and emergency vehicle you will find boldly emblazoned the phrase, “In God We Trust”. We share the very same faith and therefore, we trust in our community servants as well.
God bless and protect all first responders, police officers, and firefighters around the globe. Prayers today over the fallen heroes and their families. NEVER FORGOTTEN.
Preface
The following is how this past year’s journey began for our family. We’ve tried to recount as best possible but to be honest it’s hard to do justice in written form to all the “God Moments”. I pray perhaps even a small ray of hope will shine through darkness to readers in need right this very moment.
October 30, 2018
2:34PM. I know the time since it’s etched into my smartphone history. I was in a training class to re-learn a job I’d chosen to step into just 30 days prior.
Cathy knew not to call during the training sessions since I couldn’t leave the room. Texting was our only mode of communication. So why was she calling?
Knowing the call must be time-sensitive, I ran to exit the training room into the hallway with my heart rising into my throat. “Cathy, what is…” The voice on the other end of the line interrupted and was garbled. It didn’t even sound human. “Cathy what is it, what’s going on?” Honestly, I intuitively knew without her being able to verbalize it. Finally, one relatively clear phrase came out as a scream:
“COME HOME NOW!” The phone went dead…
My office campus is in Richardson, Texas. A commute to Prosper is thirty minutes at best and an hour at worst. With pre-rush hour traffic, the drive home at 100mph was less than twenty-five minutes. Yet it was the longest drive of my life. I couldn’t fathom what lie ahead. Cathy wasn’t answering the phone so I called our neighbor, Karla Tinebra who finally answered.
“Karla. Are you with Cathy?” “Yes. Mark, please just get home”.
“Is it what I think?”
Long silence… then, “Yes”.
The question I didn’t want to ask nor did I wish to have answered.
“Karla… is he… gone?”
Long silence… “Mark… Oh Mark.” Hesitatingly and tearfully, the subdued response was, “Yes. Mark, I’m so sorry”.
My mouth was instantly bone dry. My grip on the wheel could have snapped a tree in half. I just kept whispering a quiet scream aloud, “God please let there be a miracle. Make this a terrible nightmare”. But it wasn’t a dream/nightmare like I would have later. It was horrifically palpable and real. How could our 18 year old baby boy be, “Gone”?
I had to mentally prepare for the scene when I turned onto our street. I had to put on a brave and strong mask. To be strong for Cathy and Caitlin. I couldn’t cry. That would only confirm that this nightmare was real. I wasn’t ready for that just yet.
First Response
Coming into uncomfortable places
Like the scene at the Brownfield Regional Hospital when I was only ten, watching my brother’s 15 year old girlfriend dying in front of us, there are scenes the memory can’t purge. That’s true of my arrival at our home. Fire and rescue vehicles, and police squad cars with silent flashing lights were lined up for a half block and partially around the next.
I always park next to the garage, but vehicles blocked the drive so I parked in front, as a guest would, and walked up the steps to the front door. No one said a word, but I sensed each first responder was silently praying and thinking, “What would I feel like had I gotten this father’s call?” Yet they are the only people I recall being there. Several of these men stood in respectful silence. Yellow police tape strewn across the front yard and the front porch. This was my baby and they’ve put out police tape. Unthinkable.
Strikingly, as I recall this surreal experience, not one neighbor was there to gawk at our tragic spectacle. Not even one. You see, they were in their homes, discreet and careful to respect our privacy and to not speculate. Primarily to simply pray.
The neighbors present on that dark scene weren’t there to stare at a distance but rather to hold us close and to pray. To bring us into their hearts and weep with us. Each one to this day knows of whom I’m thinking.
Prosper fire Assistant Chief, Shaw Eft nodded a somber greeting at the door as he lifted the tape to allow access. At the top of the stairs with sunlight pouring through the back game room window stood the dark silhouette of a guard posted there to prevent anyone from passing into Braden’s room.
Shaw and his wife have two young daughters.
In the living room sat Cathy, crying in complete shock with three first responders surrounding her. One was the local fire chief, Stuart Blasingame. Stu is the size of a large bear, not only in stature, but I soon came to realize his heart far exceeds the size of his uniform. Chief Blasingame had been first to enter the home and open the door to our son’s bedroom to find him gone.
Stu and his wife have two teenage boys of their own.
The second responder was a chaplain John Herring, who had been on call that day. He was kneeling beside Cathy, holding her hand and consoling both her and the large-hearted fire chief who was red-faced with tears pouring from his own eyes.
John and his wife, Roni have three kids from age 12 to 19. Two girls around Caitlin’s age and one boy, Caiden (18). Braden’s age.
The third presence in that grieving group was the Holy Spirit in human form, manifest through this crew of first responders.
After we prayed together, we were escorted to our next door neighbor’s home. Karla and Joe Tinebra have been our dear friends since we moved from Katy about five years ago. The chaplain confirmed what we knew. We had to get Caitlin off the bus before she arrived at a scene that would certainly generate a lifetime of nightmares.
Chaplain Herring counseled me very specifically on how to proceed. We needed a trusted mom to collect Caitlin before she got on the school bus. With social media probably informing her of an incident on Camden Way, we needed to rush her to a peaceful place where she’d never go again. And the hard part. Tell her straight out. John and I even role played and practiced the message.
Walking together in difficult times
We had less than ten minutes to prepare to share this unthinkable news with an innocent eleven year old child: that her only sibling had died while she was at school.
Taking several cars, we quickly headed to rendezvous with mom and friend, Heather Dlabik, who met us at a small community pocket park across from the Mayhard Egg Farm on First Street.
Delivering the news to Caitlin is another memory a father can never forget, yet having prepared with John I soon realized his counsel was wise. Chaplain John then asked if we had a church to hold the memorial service.
Being members at a very large church, Prestonwood Baptist, it would typically make sense to go there. However, we didn’t expect to fill a venue quite that large. We preferred something smaller, though John didn’t know that.
“I don’t know if you have a church home, but I go to a church right around the corner and you’d be welcome there”.
Second Response
Inviting into our lives
We struggled with the decision of where to hold the memorial service but didn’t want a very large, partially empty space, so elected to go with John’s offer. He went to church there and was such an amazing guide in this emergency, his church seemed a perfect choice. Little did we know he not only went to First Baptist Prosper, but was the senior pastor at that time.
We worked together to plan a memorial for our Braden. The day of the service we had friends and family from all parts of the country. These second responders (the FBC Prosper church family) served us as they would their own family. We were treated to a feast a king would consider worthy. To this day I still see the faces of those in the serving line. They looked at us with love and empathy like I’d never experienced from strangers.
The memorial service was filled to overflow with many standing along the walls. Afterwards, neighbors catered a reception in our home. Never had our home been filled with such love and support from community members, friends, and family. To this day, we don’t know for sure all who contributed but we are so thankful!
Third Response
After a full day, with the suicide “Walk Out of Darkness” that morning, the memorial for Braden and the evening reception, we were beyond exhausted in every way. Then about 9:15 a man called to ask if he might come over and just talk. Chaplain John Herring was still there after all this. When he arrived, I had assumed he must need payment or some kind of forms signed. After all that he and his church had done for complete strangers, non-members, they would need reimbursement.
Stay
Yet as our last guest departed, John remained with us. I asked if he needed anything. His response was, “No. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything else for now”. With that, he and I talked and shared some stories. Mostly, he was helping me gear down and it worked. As Cathy hugged our last guest and said good night, John remained. He was last to leave our home late that evening.
We hugged and I thanked him. As I locked the door behind him and he drove away, I returned to the living room couch where Cathy and Caitlin were waiting. Suddenly, it became clear. “Girls. Do you know who just left here? This man came into a totally dark and uncomfortable place. He counseled us and guided us. He invited us into his church, loving us. And he was the last to leave. Do you know who that was? It was Jesus”. And then we just cried.
I’m certainly no expert but when asked, “What do we need to learn from your experience?” Life is about relationship with Christ and with others. These connections make life worth living and without them people ultimately come up dry with no meaning. In hopelessness, more and more are opting to leave this life early.
The pieces of this story may seem fragmented as my writing skills are lacking. However, to this writer the message is clear as crystal. What Braden needed, what we all need, is meaningful and lasting relationship. A sense that we have value.
Life without a true and lasting relationship with Christ has no value. We find temporary satisfaction at best, but it fades. People are conditional. Christ is eternal. Life without Him is not life but rather existence.
Readers: How to have an impact
If you’ve followed this blog you know through our experiences over the past year we’ve tried to piece together some practical helps which others can put to use in their own lives and in parenting our children.
This may seem a little corny, but acronyms are easy to remember if they tie with a concept. The following acronym can work if it’s tried and modeled by moms and dads. After all, aren’t we all first responders? Shouldn’t we continually train to be better at what we do?
U.C.I.S.: “You’ll See, I’ll Stay”
Uncomfortable places. Step INTO them rather than avoiding;
Connect with the hurting. You may be next;
Invite the hurting into our lives, homes, and churches; and
Stay, even when it isn’t easy.
This story of first response aligns with our Lord, Jesus Christ and the way He lived each day. He was born in a dirty stall and throughout his life, walked boldly into the darkest places on earth to find relationship with many who were “uncomfortable” (think leprosy colonies, a demon possessed mad man, the temple/ den of thieves). Christ ministered, counseled, taught, and healed people in those dark places. He invited those lost into relationship with Him. Most importantly, He STAYED. And He remains with us eternally.
Prayer: Lord, I ask that you open my mind to the fact I’m a reactor. Knowing that truth, I pray I will break old habits and learn new healthy ones. Train me to be a responder. I love how you speak truths into my life. In my darkness you shine your light. You are THE one true and awesome God.
I pray over every reader and their families right now, whether they are on a mountain top or in a dark lonely valley. We pray they will be encouraged in finding relationship with their unconditional and perfect loving Father. Grant us peace beyond understanding. It is in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Braden’s Voice 