Author: Mark Speed

This blog is written by the parents of Braden Speed. Braden’s voice is intended for his brief life to have purpose although he is no longer here to speak on the topic of teen depression, relationships, and suicide. Our prayer is that his “voice" may serve others and bring readers to understand a purposeful life simply requires a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Alone Together

Mark Speed1 Comment
Hope Walk

“Our Father created us for relationship. Help people understand how vital they are to God and to one another.” – Braden

The Mom-Daughter getaway wasn’t on our family calendar because Caitlin had planned it as a birthday surprise a few weeks ago. These involve the standard girl activities with spa treatments, dinner, a chick-flick binge on Netflix, and overnight at a local hotel. Cait’s been excited, but I admit feeling some guilty pleasure upon hearing it was happening this weekend. After a busy few weeks at work, it would be good to have some peace and quiet. In moderation, I think being alone can be a healthy thing. For me, it might be the rare chance to do some mindless movie binging of my own, watching shows my girls don’t care to see.

Speaking of binge TV watching, my brother put me onto a series called “Alone” where contestants are flown into Alaska or some other remote location where they’re left to live alone with no one to help them. The show awards the winner a huge money prize for out-surviving the others. The producers only provide the most basic starter supplies and then leave the person in complete isolation. Each contestant is required to film and self-document their stay which can last a few weeks or several months. At any point, they can opt out by calling it quits which means they leave the show with nothing, but can return to civilization. The filmed vignettes are later compiled and edited to entice the viewer. If “bingable” is a word, this show fits the definition. It can be difficult to watch yet almost impossible not to watch.

Each person applies their own approach to surviving the harsh elements and without exception all begin their challenge with great confidence they, alone will outlast the others by relying solely upon their own abilities, strength, experience level, and intellect. Each person’s journey is certainly interesting, but one story stood out to me.

It was a father whose son was autistic. As this father’s personal story developed, I kept putting myself in his boots. We learn that his goal from the outset wasn’t to gain glory by winning the contest, but rather to get the funds needed to best help his child. As the weeks become months, the man outperforms the others and sustains very well physically. Then he begins to grasp what he’d been missing all along. Even more than money, his son needed his father. In the end, he finally learns that their relationship was far more valuable than money or anything else. Although it wasn’t shown, when the son saw his father finally arriving home, I can only imagine their reunion.

Recently, our local school held a district-wide event called the “Hope Walk”. Students from every school from elementary through high school joined together for a rally around a program called Hope Squad. No matter where you may live, if you parent a school student, work in a school, or have concern about school culture but haven’t heard about Hope Squad, you should. This is a uniquely impactful peer-to-peer program. It came to our district through the efforts of parents of children who we’ve lost and by the willingness of district leaders who are determined to proactively help stem the growing crisis of mental health in our youth.

When I woke that Saturday before the Hope Walk event, Caitlin was sick so Cathy had to stay home. I hesitated to go but something told me it was important. Honestly, I didn’t look forward to seeing the bright eyed and thriving teens. I tend to superimpose Braden’s face on theirs which brings a too familiar sting. Still, somehow I owed it to our son to be there in support of such a good thing. When I saw those teens that day, it was through different eyes. This time, they weren’t crying from grief, but with joy and sincere gratitude to God for delivering on His promise.

When I arrived at the football stadium that morning, I had been prepared to walk alone, but during the opening presentation, I noticed a neighbor standing nearby who was attending along with their two young kids. Later, I learned one had been elected to the Hope Squad in his school. Years prior, this family had accepted our invitation to walk with us for a similar community event and this time, they invited me to walk with theirs. It was amazing to see the turn out that morning but especially confirming to observe and to hear stories about how this program continues to benefit other kids. I think Braden may have actually been walking alongside me that morning, but if he was too busy in heaven, I am certain he would approve!

Learning about Relationship: We’ve learned a few very important lessons along our walk through this journey. Maybe these can be put to good use as parents and as people. Here are just a few of the big ones:

1) We ALL feel alone at times which is a normal part of being human. Being alone can be healthy, but isolation over time begins to rob us of what God intends. We can lose our way without others to walk with and to help us navigate life.

2) A healthy balance is important but finding, forming, and maintaining relationships with others (even just one) is a crucial piece in the puzzle of what is impacting today’s mental health crisis.

3) Since relationship is key, there is no suitable substitute for a personal and intimate relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ. He visited this world purposefully modeling the importance of relationship and by inviting us to know Him. He promised that if, instead of trying life alone, we choose to follow Him, we’ll find the only way to real and lasting truth. Most importantly, He will provide all the nourishment we need to have an abundant life.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

A Childish Wishlist

Mark Speed3 Comments

“The most valuable gifts have no price tag.”- Braden

Our daughter, Caitlin’s 18th birthday is on Christmas Eve. These two giving occasions coincide each year and especially now that she’s no longer a child, we’re running out of gift ideas. Thankfully, she’s always thoughtful to provide us with a wishlist!

We posted this last year but thought it timely to reshare. Maybe a new reader could use it this Christmas season or others may need a reminder. I certainly do.

Recently, a young mom at my office asked BradensVoice to contribute an article on parenting for their company newsletter. I thought a lot about how to provide something of use for new parents just beginning their journey. The article needed to be brief yet practical. The question kept coming to mind: If Cathy and I were new parents today, wouldn’t it be helpful to have a list of do’s and don’ts from others who had insights from their own experiences?

Each Christmas season, most of us form wishlists for our children, hoping to surprise them with something they’ll treasure and maybe even use for awhile. Even with our best intentions, most will be discarded once the gifts are opened and the new has become worn. I began to consider what all children might ask for if they could get something that could remain with them always.

Arriving at the office that morning, I quickly began writing down thoughts before they faded. Later, our daughter reviewed the list for edits and to remove anything she felt didn’t fit the criteria. Our list is certainly not all-inclusive and each parent will have unique edits or additions. That is as it should be. Forming such a written list has been humbling to this parent. Still, taking stock helps and we all learn as we go. That’s an important part of the job.

Our prayer in this season of giving is that readers might choose one or two of these free gift ideas to give away to those we love the most.

Mom and dad, these are things we really NEED… love, your kids

Faith and Family

Walk consistently in your faith. We’re watching to see if the rules you follow on Sunday still apply on Monday.

Help us to personally know Jesus and to discern the difference between religion about Him vs. relationship with Him.

Encourage us to become active in a youth group and help us find the right one. We need a support group of peers who share our faith as we navigate our teenage years.

Sing out loud in church because we’re watching. If what the preacher says is such “Good News”, shouldn’t you be really happy about it?

Time and Connection

We can sometimes feel alone and out of touch in our world, so never stop giving us your hugs and kisses, even when we squirm or complain.

Make a priority of family time over work time. Both are important but not equal.

Have fun and be silly sometimes – laughter is the best painkiller.

Wisdom

We will eventually realize you didn’t have all the right answers, but we’ll always be grateful you helped us to learn from mistake and grow in wisdom.

Teach us about keeping healthy boundaries against the world’s temptations and toxic people.

Help us learn how to choose our friends because they will influence our future.

Remind us that our identity is not determined by anything or anyone other than our Creator.

Let us know there is a difference between reacting and responding.

Communication

Let us know that no subject is taboo, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. If we can’t work through our questions with you, we’ll look for answers elsewhere.

Listen at least twice as long you speak.

In conflict, we’re the kids, so you be the adult.

Try not to curse – language is primarily learned by hearing.

You are our mirrors, so reflect what you want to see in us.

Security

Build and maintain a healthy marriage. It won’t happen without work and you may need to ask for some help.

As our parents, please share the same map. We’ll be confused with two conflicted navigators.

Believe in us even when we disappoint you, because we will.

Create and keep family traditions – They make us feel secure.

In arguments, remember our walls are thinner than you think. Let us see you make up so we can know that families will disagree, but that’s ok.

When we leave to make our own home, keep a place for us in yours.

This list isn’t complete, but the most important thing to emphasize to any parent, new or old? Children are their parents’ most valuable gifts, but we only get to hold them for a brief moment. Enjoy the time and make the most of it! 🎁

‘Start children off the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. ‘ – Proverbs 22:6

About Our Anchor

Mark Speed2 Comments

“Dad, I know it’s hard to keep the hope, but you’ll find more of your own if you give just a little to someone else”. – Braden

“In order to realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.” – Corrie Ten Boom

“Cathy, why did you give me a necklace?” – Braden’s dad

“God Winks”. That’s what some people call them. Maybe it’s because such moments are too perfectly timed. Like a quick glimpse of our Creator, it’s like He’s grinning, “See? I told you”. These subtle winks are often delivered when least expected, but they’re always confirming to our faith. They seem to happen more frequently lately and we hang onto each one, knowing they’ll be needed as an anchor of certainty when the storms of doubt arise. Several weeks ago was just another example of such a “wink” as a brewing storm approached for our family. Another perfectly timed reminder that God doesn’t forget about our storms and will always remain steady if we will just choose to trust and take hold of Him.

It was early October as we neared yet one more annual date of remembrance. The dreaded day before Halloween which is an anniversary we’d prefer to forget. On such occasions, our family doesn’t talk much about it, but we all quietly plan ahead by taking time out of our routine just to be together and to recall the good memories. The lighter side of what Braden brought into our world. Still, we know the day will arrive with pain, quiet tears, and the ever-present “What if’s” that come when we lose someone who left by their own choice. By now, one might expect such dates would finally have dissolved into just another day, but that may likely never happen. I suppose it should not.

“BradensVoice” hadn’t been invited to speak in a few months and although support for our homegrown non-profit remained strong, the voice had been silent. Then, just days before the approaching anniversary, I received two separate messages out of thin air from complete strangers. The first was from a youth leader of a local church. One of its members had attended a BradensVoice talk we’d held for their kids a few years earlier. A new crop of teens needed to hear some truths from someone with experience on a subject about which we have come to know too well. When I asked what date their Youth Night was held, you might guess… it was on Wednesday night, October 30th. The youth minister hadn’t known this and preferred to move our visit to another week. After talking it over though, we all agreed there could be no better way to honor our boy. When better could we talk openly to young people about the value of their lives, the terrible long-term impact of such an impetuous decision, and most importantly the certain anchor upon which they could always rely.

Cathy and I went together and I’m proud of her for taking this step. To say the least, neither of us will forget that night. After our talk, over 50-75 kids, parents, and teachers poured onto the stage to pray over us. It was the most amazing experience to feel each of their hearts reaching into ours. Words really can’t convey our emotions and gratefulness for this invitation particularly on that day. Each hand placed on our shoulders on that cold and dark October night were confirming this had been the perfect timing. I think Braden must have personally asked God to send his family something we didn’t know was needed. Help and hope. Only a loving and understanding God could know best how and when to deliver such an invitation.

The second contact was from a woman who had tragically lost her own brother. She was the 2024 chairperson for a local event held annually by a national foundation for awareness. The fundraiser walk also brings together hundreds of people each year who support and encourage each other. Within days following our loss, this same event had been my first opportunity to meet others who shared common ground. Ironically, that first walk was held on the morning of Braden’s memorial service. This year, we weren’t sure if we would be going, but this stranger had invited BradensVoice to speak. My answer was as always, “No way…Absolutely”.

This second audience wasn’t at all like the first. Instead of a group of hungering curious church kids, this would be a diverse mix of ages, cultures, backgrounds, faith, and many people who never heard about Jesus or might be angered by the mention of his name. For this reason, I was asked to keep the presentation as secular as possible. My first response to this restriction wasn’t good. After all, faith has been our ONLY reliable source of peace, purpose, and healing. A personal relationship with God was the only real answer this crowd needed, so how could I have an opportunity to share yet keep it to myself? After the initial reaction, I cooled off and decided to pray about whether to go or not. I pictured Braden standing next to Jesus when I sensed the answer: “If you refuse to reflect me, then who will?” Without thinking further, I said aloud, “Ok, guys”.

As I went over the notes early the following morning, I just kept hearing those words, “Reflect Me”. Getting dressed to leave for the event, I noticed something next to the sink in our dressing room. Cathy had bought each of us a silver necklace with an anchor attached to the chain. Not being a person who wears jewelry, I’d kept mine on the counter for years. Suddenly, I knew the purpose of this gift. “Why don’t you just wear this so it can be seen?”

The “speech” that morning was themed around the Titanic tragedy and why a sunken ship is still remembered more than 100 years later. It was about a beautiful creation, branded as “Unsinkable”. Even though people made every effort and spared no expense to ensure it wouldn’t sink, it did. I recalled stories of passengers who had been fortunate to grab a seat on a lifeboat but desperately rowed away to avoid being pulled down by the vacuum caused by the sunken ship. I talked about the few courageous survivors who chose instead to stay even though it involved risk, to help others still drowning.

Although, I felt the message was hopeful to a crowd of survivors, I’m confident it was quickly forgotten by most. Still, I didn’t get to share what I had wanted to say and what I believe someone desperately needed to hear. Sadly, I had to keep those words to myself. However, one thing I hadn’t kept hidden that morning was there for all to see, it was hanging right near my heart. The story I really wanted to tell and the reflection I hope others observed that day wasn’t as much about sunken ships as it was about our anchor.

Our daughter is not yet ready to attend such talks although I sense that she may someday have a story to tell all her own. When I got home that afternoon, she asked if I told people about Jesus. My answer was that I just showed up but He did all the talking. If you were there that Saturday and wondered about my brief mention of our family’s anchor, it was not the one I wore around my neck. I invited you to reach out so we could share more and our prayer today is that you will do so. We too are survivors but we aren’t paddling away. Although we can’t save anyone, we can certainly tell you Who saved us.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, You are the only true and certain anchor in the storms. Thank you for always being there when our world fails, which it certainly will. Thank you for coming into this world in human form so we humans could stand a better chance of understanding and knowing You. Our prayer is that someone who is drowning today will just take hold of Your hand. Amen

All We Have to Give

Mark Speed4 Comments
Lee and Sherry Sims

My friend wasn’t a millionaire but I always perceived him to be wealthy. He was fortunate to find a frugal help mate and blessed that she accepted his marriage proposal. Throughout their life together, Sherry worked to keep his spending in check, but he considered money as a tool primarily to be used for enjoyment of life and to help others in need. I could take a lesson from my friend. Ultimately, he gave others everything. Maybe that’s why I considered him to be rich.

I first met Lee in 1996. His friendship was just one part of a package deal. Before I met Cathy, she had a group of very close friends in the Kingwood, Texas area. They had been more like family to her and after we married, they would become the same to me. I found this group to be refreshingly strange. Something I’d never experienced. They were deeply connected (even the husbands) and equally committed to being there for one another, no matter the circumstances nor distance. They were fully transparent about life’s struggles yet unconditional, respectful, and supportive of each other. Very rare. I found it novel that when they gathered for a party or other occasion, instead of drinking, they prayed together. I came to soon realize how I far preferred their variety of parties to those I’d experienced in the past.

The most unusual thing I experienced with them was a shared sense of real faith and clear purpose… to reflect Jesus to others. They have certainly been a reflection on my own life. All to say, Cathy’s “family” was a package deal and an unexpected gift. That’s how I met my friend, Lee.

Over the years of career moves, we often lived on opposite sides of the state. Lee and I were both too busy providing for our families to connect as much as we later came to regret. Still, I knew Lee treasured his family more than anything in life. He kept his priorities of faith, family, and friends so tightly bound together, they were impossible to separate. Recently, he and Sherry had moved into a newly built home and they were blessed to spend time together with their whole family on a trip to Europe (compliments of Sherry’s brilliant way of managing things). That trip was only weeks before he left on a different trip. We recently saw Lee for the last time at his church where we joined with others to say our temporary goodbyes.

Before leaving us, Lee gave everything he had. Ultimately, he even gave his life while on a mission to help the Georgia hurricane victims. Following a planning meeting with several community and church leaders, he had been eager to finally catch a plane home. He excitedly called Sherry to update her about what God was doing and the plans he saw unfolding to build temporary housing for those left homeless. He told her that he would never say no when God needed him to do anything. He was determined to hear the words, “you have done well” by his Heavenly Father.

Before he reached the airport, a service truck also providing help for the hurricane relief, suddenly crashed into his rental car. Lee never reached the airport that afternoon and sadly, he wasn’t able to return to their beautiful new home. My friend had taken an unexpected detour to a far more beautiful Home.

In service to others, my friend had left behind a wife and two beautiful children, Ashley and Stephanie. As we hugged them, I noticed a familiar strength and determination in their eyes. I’d seen this in the eyes of my wife and daughter just six years earlier when we lost our boy. Knowing it ourselves, we encouraged Lee’s family to hold fast to their faith. We’re confident they will rebuild their lives stronger and will continue the legacy of serving others with even more determination. Lee spent his life on a mission for a higher purpose and those closest to him can hold confidently to the knowledge that they’re only apart for a short time. They are certain of a joyful reunion.

I’ve struggled to understand when I first heard of the loss of my friend why I didn’t feel sad. I was certainly shocked, but strangely I wasn’t sorrowful. This isn’t something I’ve wanted to admit, but it’s important and I’ve really struggled to understand. All my life, I’ve heard it said at funerals, “They’re in a better place” but to be honest, I’ve harbored questions about it, considering it to be a nice thing to say in an awkward moment.

It’s been six years now since we had such a loss and each day in my mind, I’ve considered the question, especially losing a child: “When we die, do I really believe we go to Heaven?” Through these years of hurting and healing, our family has only survived one day at a time by drawing closer to faith, not as a crutch to lean on but rather as a foundation to stand. I can’t effectively convey to anyone how confident and strong God has confirmed that foundation and His answer to my question. Heaven is indeed more real even than this world.

In fact, my confidence in the reality of Heaven has become so strong that my first thought about my friend wasn’t sadness, but joy (and to be honest, a little envy). Lee had lived a life starving to give everything he had for the Kingdom which I now know to be a real place. When those two vehicles met on a rural Georgia highway, I visualize Lee barging into Heaven with his face radiating with more joy than he’d ever humanly imagined. The first words I bet he said? “I’m home! How can I help?” But the reply, I believe was something he’d wanted to hear and nourishment to his hungering heart: “Welcome Home, child. Your work is done my good and faithful servant”.

Trey, Ashley, grandbaby Jackson, Sherry, Stephanie, and Lee

I thank God for giving me the unexpected and undeserved gift of friends like the Sims family and the package deal of many like them in our world. We’re blessed by those who choose to serve as a reflection of Jesus to others who need to meet Him face to face. They help assure those of us who have been lost that when we leave here, there’s a far better Home awaiting.

Readers– We can make a difference in our world by giving all we have to someone in desperate need. The opportunities are endless and the return on such an investment can never be matched.

Prayer– God, thank You for the Lee’s in this world. Please take care of those who are left behind while temporarily separated by death and renew our hope of an unimaginable reunion. In Jesus’ name, amen.

“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11‬:‭25‬ ‭

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭14‬ ‭

““His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25‬:‭21‬

Calling a Time-In

Mark Speed5 Comments

“Remind people to treasure the little moments. They are most valuable.” – Braden

I just read where today is National Sons Day. Seems nowadays, we have a day for every little thing. It had me recalling days when we had our son here and how I tried hard to soak up a lot of that time. Still, it wasn’t enough. It also led me to a drafted post I jotted down this past summer but I hadn’t shared. Never knowing when or if to share such writings, maybe today is that time. To the reader who may need a gentle reminder from someone who has learned: Make time to be in the moments. They pass so quickly.

Imagine you’re in the middle of a very pleasant dream and suddenly realizing it isn’t real. Now, picture that second just before waking, trying desperately to remain in that fleeting moment…

As the 2024 summer break nears its end and our last child enters her final year of high school, we’ve tried to call a time-out, taking a road trip or other distraction before the reality of our final Fall school year begins. Many families do this (as Facebook and Instagram will attest). Social media is swamped in July with photos taken at beaches, mountains, or other memorable destinations. Our family is no different. We certainly hope to pack in some fun and memories, realizing too well how such moments in life are important yet rare.

As a parent, is there anything more treasured and valuable than such moments? Like your first love or any first pleasure. Experiencing it is one thing, but realizing you’re having it IN that moment is a high you can’t describe…. Still, you can’t hold onto it no matter how hard you try. Like a shooting star or a perfect sunset, it’s there when least expected, glorious while you observe it, yet gone before you can fully take it all in. Try taking a picture of a lightening bolt. It’s almost impossible.

I’ve had a few shooting star moments in my life and though impossible to freeze time, I’ve come to realize it’s far better to acknowledge them with those I love most in this life rather than to store them to recall later. You see, that day may very likely never arrive. I also have learned that we spend too much time focusing and waiting on that one shooting star in our lives that will never be seen while others even more stunning are just outside our periphery.

For any parent, think about that rare fraction of a second when your child was standing in front of you and they perceivably grew. If you’ve not experienced this rare moment, you won’t understand. If you have, you’ll want to turn back the clock and experience seeing your child be childlike again. But that dream is passed. I’ve learned through the years of being a dad to speak those moments aloud. I’ll say, “Hey Cait. I just witnessed you grow up before my very eyes”. She usually rolls her teenager eyes, but someday with a parent’s eyes, hopefully my “foolishness “ will become her wisdom. Time also has that effect. Maybe in those moments when a star she glimpses has just faded out of sight, recalling her dad’s words will draw us together somehow in spirit if I’m not there to help lighten her darkness.

The lyrics of a song by Paul Simon came to mind while writing down these thoughts. Most readers never even heard it. The song certainly isn’t new but the message stands the test of time of a dad singing his child to sleep, teaching him to capture the moments of life.

St. Judy’s Comet – Paul Simon

Hey, little sleepy boy, do you know what time it is?
The hour of your bedtime’s long been past.
Though I know you’re fightin’ it,
I can tell when you rub your eyes, you’re fadin’ fast.
Won’t you run come see St. Judy’s Comet
Roll across the skies and leave a spray of diamonds in its wake.
I long to see St. Judy’s Comet sparkle in your eyes when you awake
Oh, when you wake, awake

Learning to Trust

Mark Speed3 Comments

The blessings God gives us are limited only by the trust we give Him. – Braden’s dad

On a recent flight for family vacation, I took a mental side-trip. Here we were in this sealed metal tube, hurtling through the air at 500mph over an ocean at 30,000 feet all while calmly munching on snacks and enjoying an inflight movie. That’s pretty amazing in itself, but then something else occurred to me. We hadn’t met, much less seen the person flying our plane!

I have a light case of claustrophobia and work in a 15-story office tower. If, while riding the elevator it suddenly just stopped mid-floor, I’d go nuts but that wouldn’t be the end of the world. However, if a cable snapped at that height, no one would survive the fall. Still, I rarely choose to take the stairs although they’re much easier to understand and technically more reliable than elevators. These are just two very simplistic examples out of thousands where, without hesitation, we daily trust our very lives to things unseen or only minimally understood.

Now, try asking someone if they can simply trust in the God who created these things along with the very laws of mechanics and physics making them all possible. It’s a fairly safe bet that person will think you’re weird or slightly insane. Why do we blindly trust without seeing nor fully understanding in temporal circumstances, yet stubbornly withhold our trust in something far more vital and eternal like our Creator?

Maybe it’s because we all began life with a nature of trust that immediately began to diminish from day one. Our unique life experiences quickly begin re-teaching us that trust should only be given when something or someone proves they won’t ever fail us. I’ve come to realize, as vital as oxygen is to our existence, trust is a the key element we all must have to truly live. Without trust, our days are filled with suspicion, dysfunction. isolation, and emptiness. Trust offers connection/ relationship, confidence, fullness, and joy. There are few things more valuable yet more damaging to a life than when trust is lost. I can say this with confidence because I lived that way most of my life. Sadly, I know a lot of people who still do. Having learned too well how to distrust, they just go on breathing but not really living.

Through too many trials and errors to mention, I’ve learned a few things. The most valuable of those is that this unseen and often misunderstood God is more real than anything our physical senses can comprehend. He is bigger than any temporary circumstance and can be relied upon even when I may feel betrayed or disappointed by the world. He is far more gracious, loving, forgiving, unconditional, and permanent than any earthly offering. All said, I have come to trust God because He has proven to be trustworthy. I can personally recommend Him to anyone who may be interested.

It’s ironic how the last thing most non-believers immediately turn to when planes fall out of the sky or when elevators drop to the ground, is God. What would our lives, our families, and our communities be like if, instead of waiting until the world fails us, we could learn to first simply rely on Him.

Prayer: God, words escape me when I consider who you are. Thank you for never being intimidated by our doubts. You see and understand what we all wrestle with. Help us fill our minds with truth, strengthening our trust by learning and leaning on you. You are as close as our next breath and more vital to life than air. Thanks for understanding us enough to come into our world as a man so we can know and trust You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

“The father cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief”. Mark 9:24

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭

Best Evidence

Mark Speed10 Comments

“You’re looking at a miracle”. – Braden’s dad

Our world is overloaded with skepticism and self-proclaimed “experts” who try to apply the scientific method to make sense of our human existence, God/ Jesus, faith, and the Bible. Recently, I watched a series of videos of a Christian apologist who visits college campuses. He welcomes questions from curious, skeptical, and some downright angry students. This guy always has a confident and credible response to even the most difficult questions. Though I wish I had this man’s intellect and communication skills, I do not. I wonder though, shouldn’t introducing God be easy for anyone who has met Him personally?

I believe Christians have a duty to tell people about something so important, but witnessing has never come naturally. “Witnessing”, in my mind was always a verb, like preaching, quoting scripture, selling, or worse: convincing. I perceived this skill to be something only good Christians could do since they just “Got it”. Much of my life, I believed I’d missed the training class on “Witnessing”.

Ironically though, when people TRIED to “witness” to me by quoting the Bible or using churchy catch phrases, it only pushed me away. I couldn’t relate to ancient scriptures or self-righteous preaching. Though a well crafted and polished presentation sometimes brought buy-in, it soon faded. With many who had offered “superior” Bible knowledge, any value was diminished after watching their behavior. That gnawing thing called hypocrisy doused what otherwise might have been a spark of real and lasting faith for me.

Much of my work involves civil disputes with outcomes determined in a courtroom by jurors who are asked to weigh evidence. In this setting, the term “witness” is never used as a verb. It would be ridiculous to hear an attorney say, “Your honor, today I’d like to introduce Mr. Smith who will be witnessing”. No, here the witness is just a person. Although expert witnesses are often paid to testify, most judges will agree an unbiased witness (just a regular person) is more effective than one who is paid or polished. Juries tend to listen intently to real people because they share common ground. This variety of witness is saying, “Believe it or not and for whatever it’s worth, this actually happened to me!”

A few years ago, I had a friend who was obviously lost and searching for answers. His identity and purpose were wrapped primarily in career and the prestige of his corporate leadership role. Sadly, he lost his job and with it went his purpose, motivation, family, and ultimately his life. In the darkest moments he’d call to talk with someone who would listen. I took his calls at all hours of the day and night, many times sensing that his life was slowly draining away. Thinking I had no skill or competency to talk about God, I never did. Being stoic as we always were, we kept with just surface conversation about injustices of the world and our guy code of never telling anyone else about our struggles. Ultimately, I travelled across Texas to see my buddy one final time. Regretfully, it was on the occasion of his funeral. My friend had died all alone without answers I might have helped provide if I had the courage to try.

Fast forward a few years. I was visiting another friend who could be the poster child for a hard heart. This person was in their last chapter of life, yet still faithless. One morning over coffee, our conversation turned to God and whether He is actually real or just imagined. Without hesitation, I began sharing my own story. Even the ugly hidden parts few if any had heard (some I’d even forgotten about until that moment). I shared about times and circumstances when I should not have survived. My friend was stunned at certain parts. Then, I asked him to close his eyes for a minute and to imagine the Bible story of Moses parting the Red Sea. “The Bible tells how God parted a real ocean in real time to save His children from certain destruction. If a miracle like that happened in front of your own eyes, would you believe in God?”

With eyes closed, my friend thought a few seconds. He finally sighed and conceded. “I guess so because it would be the only real miracle I’d ever seen”. I told my friend to open his eyes and to look at me and that he was looking at a real-life miracle. Through tears I’d never seen in my friend’s eyes, he responded. “I want to believe in your God. I just don’t know how”. Finally, understanding my job wasn’t to convince but to simply share my own eyewitness experience in all its ugliness, it was easy. My friend had begun listening and one month later he called to share with me his own story and these words which I’ll never forget. “Mark, I wanted to call to tell you today I finally surrendered and someday, we’re going to meet in heaven”.

When we allow our pride to deceive, distract, or dissuade us from our most important role as a witness, we can easily miss what may be the only chance someone has to hear such good news.

PRAYER: Father, please allow me to simply tell others about what you have done in my own life. The harder I try to convince others, the less likely they will be convinced. Please prevent me from trying to witness and instead allow me to just be one.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.””
‭‭Acts of the Apostles‬ ‭1‬:‭8‬ ‭

“Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me.” Psalms 66:16

Fore-Giving

Mark Speed2 Comments

We all sometimes face perceived injustices or mistreatment by others. Our human nature is to appear unharmed while pridefully hoping for revenge. The Bible says we’re supposed to pray for our enemies and by so doing, we heap burning coals on their heads. Isn’t that just some kind of righteous revenge, though? I don’t know exactly what the coals are about, but hurting others can’t be what Jesus intended. Yes, we were probably done some injustice and momentarily it would feel satisfying to see the wrongdoer hurt, but would that jolt of justice bring about any good? Revenge only brings more damage. The Bible talks a lot about fire serving to heal or to cleanse. Maybe that’s where the “coals” come in? I really don’t know.

I have learned something too long misunderstood about Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness, though. This word always meant just moving on and living with the injury. Being hobbled by a low blow yet standing up as if healed. I’ve come to realize that healthy forgiving is about “fore”-giving… before (or in most instances, without) the wrongdoer asking for it. In time and with practice, we can learn to “give” these perceived wrongdoings to God. Justice is His job, not ours. His concern, and His perfect plan will attach any justice if owed. “Fore-giving” in such a way is a wise, healthy, and humble choice. Forgiving in this way certainly kills pride. And wasn’t it pride that was the problem all along?

One of my daily prayers is for full healing. Not just physical but mental, emotional, and spiritual healing. I’m finally learning that to forgive fully, the role of “justice enforcer” isn’t mine. This job has to be delegated to God. Didn’t Jesus show this kind of love to the world on the cross that bloody day when He died be-fore we were even conceived? He knew our sin would otherwise be unforgivable. Betrayed by his closest friends, falsely accused and executed, yet completely innocent, Jesus chose to sacrifice not only His pride, but his life for ME. With His final gasp for air, Jesus was begging fore-giveness for us! That’s so amazing and beyond our capacity.
Most of our perceived harms are minuscule by comparison. Still, what would our lives, our families, our marriages, our communities, and the world look like if our prayers were FOR our enemies rather than AGAINST them? Check the daily news. Our way certainly isn’t working. Maybe His Way is worth a try.

PRAYER: God, help us learn to forgive like You showed us through your Son. To love those who do wrong against us. Help us shift our motivation from prideful revenge into unselfish healing. As we lead our families and live out our lives, help us model this so those watching can follow by example and learn that we must be both “fore-GIVEN” AND “fore-GIVERS”. Amen

Time to Heal

Mark Speed3 Comments

For readers who missed our most recent post, we’ve decided to take a slightly different direction. The purpose of this blog remains unchanged, but since faith in God has sustained our family through one of life’s most difficult experiences, it’s important to begin sharing more from this perspective. We believe this change to be a “next phase” in God’s bigger plan, not only for our own healing but hopefully for others in need. Posts will always be as honest and transparent as possible and some will certainly be difficult to share. As always, our prayer is that someone who is feeling no hope might find some here.

Over the past few years, some have asked what we’ve learned about healing. Certainly, there are many ways to cope with trials but most of them are unproductive at best and at worst, unhealthy. Having tried several of these methods, I can promise they don’t heal anything. They only do more harm and dull the pain for awhile. I did find one sure solution though. I can’t think of one practice more helpful in the last few years that has better served towards peace, comfort, and personal growth than through daily conversations with God. After all, how can any relationship exist much less thrive without communication?

Some people roll out of bed onto their knees to pray. I can’t quite manage that but I do head straight for a quiet place with a cup of coffee and a devotional of some kind. Bible apps are a great way to get the process started and early morning is best before the day gets busy. When we lost our son, I was off work for several months and my company was gracious enough to allow this time. It afforded the luxury of days without distractions or obligations. Some days I spent hours but over the years, life resumed and free time began to wane. Today, this quiet time can still be a couple of hours, but it’s usually around 15-45 minutes. It does require determination, but I’ve come to realize the intentional investment of this time first thing in the morning has yielded a huge return. So much that it makes keeping this daily routine much easier.

At 5-6AM, a daily reminder on my phone pops up as, “Time with God”. Some time ago after reading and praying, I began writing several “Foundational Prayers”. These do apply to my own life but they’re also universal. Each day, I read one or two of them silently or aloud. Speaking words may seem strange or feel awkward, but it helps to keep focused. These foundational prayers have yet to fail in helping me so I’ve decided to begin sharing them. Maybe a reader who needs some peace may find a little of it through these prayers. I sincerely hope so.

A Prayer When Life is Out of Control

In the healing process, it brings peace to remove myself from daily situations which are beyond my ability to manage. First, I ask God for the wisdom to realize when I’m taking back control because this tends to happen subtly over time. Secondly, I ask Him take my place in whatever the circumstance may be. He never has failed once to provide instant peace when I acknowledge that I’m finally ready and wanting to surrender by saying (and meaning it), “Father, not my will, but Your will be done”. I hope you’ll try these suggestions because they will help you, I’m certain.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, today we pray against the Enemy’s lies. Pride is the most effective weapon used to steal and destroy what You made us to be. We willingly surrender control to You. Please direct our steps in life’s trials. Make our lives reflect less of us and more of You. Amen

“Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray.” – Mark 1:35

“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭42‬:‭1‬ ‭

A New Direction

Mark Speed5 Comments

Lost and Found

Although born with a natural sense of navigation, until about five years ago I was very lost. Too prideful, self-reliant, or lazy to read the map, I was searching for the right answers in all the wrong places. Sadly, it finally took losing everything to find it.

I’d make a lousy teacher, but on a Halloween night in 2018, in the shadows cast by the lighted window of our son’s empty bedroom, I had come to the end of myself. After a long war, a defeated fighter had become a willing learner. Over the years following that experience, I’ve been absorbing life like a dry sponge, re-learning how to stand again, now on a different and firm foundation. What began as a crawl became a walk away from one of the darkest places this world has to offer.

Seeing life through new eyes, not only do I more clearly see the results of many of my own foolish and destructive choices, I’m better able to recognize others whose paths seem all too familiar. They remain lost yet desperately looking for their way. For this reason I have felt led to serve if even for one of my fellow “searchers” through this blog.

A Change for the Better

We began journaling in December 2018 to benefit mutual healing for our family and others experiencing grief through messages of encouragement, hope, or help. I’m thankful for several friends who wisely encouraged our writing as it has also served tremendously in the healing process. Amazingly, to date over 90,000 readers around the globe have taken time to read and/or follow BradensVoice.blog. Thousands reside in distant places we never knew existed. Still, our target was just one person or family if it helped at all. Their name probably wasn’t Braden or Speed, but it could be.

Though our purposes for this blog and our nonprofit “BradensVoice.org” remain unchanged, readers may have noticed the content subtly shifting more towards renewed faith in God which has become our family’s sustenance. I’ve noticed this shift myself yet it hasn’t been done intentionally. More likely, it has happened by God’s design. After all, healing has been His desire and our prayer from the beginning.

I’m sure some readers have opted out by now as the messages may have become less palatable to them. Sadly in today’s world, Faith has become the only “F” bomb people seem hesitant to use. Still, I’ve come to believe faith to be the only real solution to every single problem we all face. Posts will be very honest and rooted in experiences of recovery. A map to The Way if that makes sense. Also, the hope is to become more of a two- way forum to share thoughts and experiences between writer(s) and reader(s).

After a lot of prayer and consideration, we believe this is the direction Gods wants to take. We are absolutely certain Braden would welcome this change for the better by using his voice to reflect healing instead of hurt. Our prayer going forward in this blog is that even one person who is lost and searching may be helped to leave their way and to find “THE Way”.

May God bless His searchers… there are so many.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1‬:‭4‬ ‭

“Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭6‬ ‭

Reader Participation

This is a new direction but we want it to serve actively. Your suggestions, comments, questions, or feedback are encouraged and privacy will be maintained. You may also prefer to submit anonymously. Please use the options available on this site or through email.

Email: Mspeed777@yahoo.com