“I’ve had some things I need to share but just can’t form my words. Why can’t I get this out!” – Braden’s Dad
“Mom has a lot on her heart she needs to share. Wish I was there with y ‘all for bluebonnet pics this Easter. My Love,” – Braden
With our first Easter without Braden comes floods of memories of the Hill Country, taking family pictures in the bluebonnets and Easter egg hunts.
April 19, 2019. This was literally the first day since October 30, 2018 when the sun came out and has stayed. It just so happened to also be Good Friday. The day we celebrate God’s only son, choosing to die for us and three days later, rising to affirm the free gift of eternal Life. I find the timing of that warm sunshine to be just one more in a thousand “God Moments”. And no, they are not coincidences.
Since posting last, I’ve struggled with what to write and frankly if I should do so. Since we began sharing our story, we have remained committed to sharing only when we feel clearly led. So we just wait and listen for any message others might find meaningful.
With the sun out this weekend, my list of To-Do’s grew. Stain the fence, mow and fertilize the yard, pool chemicals, oil change for the cars, etc. As I was busy with that list, Cathy was in the living room typing. I asked what she was doing on the computer. After all, we had things to do for spring clean-up and summer was on the way.
She responded, “I’m writing something. I need a couple of minutes.” Later, we all went for supplies at Lowe’s and stopped at Starbucks, While I waited outside, I read my wife’s post on Facebook. It moved me so deeply, I knew this was what needed to be shared.
These are her words:
Anyone who has ever met me knows this has been the hardest year of my life. And I’ve had some rough ones. Today I’ve been thinking a lot about Easter SATURDAY… The day nothing happened.
Before the big event that truly changed everything, there’s Saturday, when we prepare for Easter. We mow grass for egg hunts, easter outfits ready… dye the eggs… We celebrate Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified and Easter Sunday, the death defying, grave defeating, hope and joy inspiring day of His resurrection. But Saturday is silent. And I will never again see Easter Saturday the same.
Never has Easter SATURDAY spoken to me like it does this year. It was the day when hope seemed lost. It was all over, and there was no reason to think anything would change. Disciples were alone. Everything they had believed in seemed lost and their souls were crushed. No answer seemed possible. The crowds had gone home.
The Saturday after Good Friday is the only day in over 2000 years that not one single person on earth believed that Jesus was alive. No one could understand God’s plan. This year, that day speaks loudly to me. While we wait to see what on earth God’s plan could possibly be. I’ve been an extremely unwilling participant in His plan this time. Mine seemed so much better. I’ve had quite a few arguments with Him.
Right now it’s still Saturday and heaven feels quiet. Why did there have to be a Saturday in between the day every hope and dream seemed crushed, and the joy and answers God had planned? It’s hard to figure out what to do on Saturday, hard to hold onto the belief that God has to have a plan. But if Jesus could be found in a grave on Saturday, If He could be found in hell itself, is there anywhere that I can’t find Him?
So I have chosen today to trust God’s promise that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”. Even though I don’t like this plan I’ve had to live, I will choose to believe our “Sunday” is on the way. And know that His work on the cross was finished, but His plan for me is not.